Smirnoff Peppermint Martini (1972)

The Peppermint Martini (an interim idea).

Somebody once said, “if the perfect martini is ever created, it won’t be a martini.”

Until now, two things stood between the martini and perfection: Gin and Vermouth. Substitute Smirnoff for gin and you’re halfway home. But what can you substitute for vermouth? We haven’t found it yet, but we’ve come close with peppermint schnapps. (Honest!) It gives a martini a chilly freshness so brisk it’s almost startling.

You might consider having one or two sometime. Like when you’re describing you past and present to someone you’re hoping will share your future. Meanwhile, we’ll keep looking for something even more perfect.

“…when you’re describing your past and present to someone you’re hoping will share your future…”

Um. No.

Whatever he’s selling, she ain’t buying. I don’t see any meaningful conversation happening here.

I see a girl who just got off her shift at the Jack in the Box*** and is now hiding from a creepy dude in bowling shoes.

The way he’s touching her arm…BARF.

If the mood Smirnoff wanted to capture was “OMG this girl is totally going to be sexually assaulted at this party,” then they succeeded.

But what is going on here?

There’s people standing in the hallway like they’re waiting for the bathroom.

There’s a red-headed old time-y hooker.

Is this the bedroom where everyone throws their coats? I see furs and leathers. But why are there so many people hanging out in this MASSIVE bedroom?

It’s a cut scene from the party in Rosemary’s Baby.

I have SO. MANY. QUESTIONS.

However, the biggest question of all is also the smallest:

WHAT ANIMAL THAT SMALL HAS ANTLERS??????????

Here’s the Peppermint Martini:

It tastes like peppermint schnapps. It tastes like Christmas.

***Jack in the Box: