Smirnoff Adam’s Apple, 1972 (alternate version)

Damn, Rudy. It’s just not right to drink cider and Smirnoff when it’s 80 degrees out!

Well, that’s all I got. 

I never thought I’d be sweating so much in November. Why’s it so warm?

Well, baby, there’s this thing called global warming.

Yeah?

Yeah. All that coal and gas we’re burning right now—it’s gonna get all caught up in the atmosphere and heat up the planet. Mess everything up. Big hurricanes, droughts, and fires. Wildfires from coast to coast—–and tornados with sharks in them!

Bullshit. I’m sure that our leaders and top scientists will do something. 

People in the future don’t listen to scientists! In the 2020s there’ll be a jive turkey who wants to run the FDA and CDC—this crazy motherfucker dumped a dead bear in Central Park and drove across the northeast with a damn whale head on his car. Says he got a dead parasite in his brain!”

The parasite explains the bear and the whale. But back up—-what’d you say about a shark tornado?

And! Check this shit out—he’s Bobby Kennedy’s son.

THE Bobby Kennedy? 

Yep.

Rudy, pass me that bottle of Smirnoff! No ice. No cider.

To make an Adam’s Apple, add an ounce or so of Smirnoff to apple juice or apple cider in a tall glass of ice. Pray for our planet.