Smirnoff Southpaw (1975)

It’s Smirnoff Southpaw Season!

If America has a beverage to call its own, it must be cola. In fact, we took good old cola so for granted that in our search for interesting things to mix with Smirnoff, we overlooked it until now.
So it was with a sense of correcting this oversight that we mixed Smirnoff and cola, added a squeeze of lemon and dubbed it the Southpaw.
We hope you’ll find the result as tasty as we do. But we might remind you, since there’s a time and place for everything, that cola by itself tastes pretty good, too. 

In my version we meet Roy and Joyce….

Roy brought Bud Light. Joyce, Smirnoff and coke.

Before the first pitch, she scaled the batting cage. Later, threw her mitt at the umpire. Disappeared for the entire sixth inning. Yelled at Molly for talking behind her back.  

Molly is a dog. 

Everyone hates Joyce. 

So let us at Smirnoff remind you that there’s a time and a place for everything, And the Minneapolis Co-Ed Social Sports League is not the time nor the place for an eight-ball. 

But it’s the perfect time for a Southpaw! 

To make a Southpaw, pour 1.5 oz of Smirnoff into a tall glass of ice, fill with cola and add a squeeze of lemon. 

ALTERNATE VERSION:

If America has a beverage to call its own–it’s bourbon.

But since we are a vodka company, we hope that this summer you’ll enjoy a Smirnoff Southpaw. 

The Southpaw is the perfect drink for peanuts, cracker jacks, the seventh inning stretch, and working up the courage to tell your best friend from college that you’re secretly in love with him. 

He’s gay, Jill. 

To make a Southpaw, pour 1.5 oz of Smirnoff into a tall glass of ice, fill with cola, the ten years you’ve wasted pining for a homosexual, and a squeeze of lemon. 

Cola + vodka + lemon tastes oddly like Vanilla Coke.

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2 thoughts on “Smirnoff Southpaw (1975)

  1. This was such FUN to read! Who knew this was going on in 1975?? All I ever saw back then at parties were my parents serving Rum & Coke, Baby Duck and Mateus wine to the grown ups. We kids had regular Coke, Sprite and Orange Crush….. Baby Duck made me break out in tiny pimples all over my body – Yuck!

  2. I don’t know. Joyce gushing over a sheepish Roy? There’s been a pattern here. Smirnoff wanted the less macho, dweeby beta men of the 70’s to know vodka was the ticket to punching up out of their dating league.
    Ugh, poor Jill

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