BH&G Barbecue Book: Blue Cheese Slaw (1967)

So, is everyone else already over summer or is it just me?

No? You summer-lovers are a mystery to me.

I am NOT a fan of the season. Sun. Heat. Sweat. Bugs. It’s been in the mid 90s for almost a week and it looks like there’s no end in sight. I hate it. I hate heat.

But I don’t know which I hate more, heat or sun. I like to joke that my skin hasn’t seen direct sunlight since 1997–I hide from the sun like a goddamned vampire and slather myself in sunscreen year-round. On the plus side, I look good in large hats and sunglasses.

I am not a pool person, but my condo overlooks what I like to call the Shady Lady Pool. It is surrounded by trees, so as the day goes along, you can be in the sun or in the shade. One of my favorite things ever is being able to swim without the fear of sunburn.

I think I came down to the pool all of 5 times last year. And that was over the course of the entire summer. I think I am going to remedy that. I look at the pool every day. And I just found out that I get wifi down here!

So I am currently writing poolside and enjoying a refreshing shandy (don’t tell anyone that has beer in it–all intoxicants are banned at the Shady Lady Pool).

I feel bad for the teenage eastern European girl who is the lifeguard. There are only so many senior citizens to check into the pool; to busy herself she just moves the patio furniture around. A chaise here, an umbrella there. I’d have drowned myself in the deep end by now.

OMG–speaking of drowning oneself–as I am writing this, an old dude just put on a full snorkel mask and is floating in the deep end. Like, just floating. He is seriously floating like William Holden in the opening of Sunset Boulevard. (Note to self–is Sunset Boulevard streaming? Answer: not for free, it isn’t).

OK, back to summer. I hate it. But I know that a lot of people love the 4th of July (crazy folk), so here is a special salad for you to bring to a patriotic shindig this week or to any other sort of backyard hootenanny that you may find yourself invited to this summer.

This is Blue Cheese Slaw from the Better Homes & Gardens Barbecue Book (1967).

This is a pretty standard recipe–cabbage, onion, mayo–until the end where it says “if desired, garnish with slices of hard-cooked egg and BOLOGNA RUFFLES.”

Excuse me? BOLOGNA RUFFLES?

OMG. Yes.

So, I made this for a Memorial Day earlier this summer. And the host is a non-pork person so I thought, Fuck. How can I make Bologna Ruffles now?

With Beef and Chicken Bologna, of course!

I seriously did not have any idea that any of this stuff existed. Because I RARELY eat bologna. And when I do, it’s called JUMBO and it is in a fried sandwich. 

Anyway, now that I had 3 types of bologna, I started to make the ruffles with the help of some pimento cheese!

Since I didn’t know which bologna would be best, I just threw them all on there.

But after I ate them I can tell you that the Oscar Meyer (bottom left) was the worst and the salami-looking Lebanon Bologna was the best. The chicken was meh, but I did like the red edges. It was fancy.

I did boil some eggs for the stunning garnish, but they didn’t get hard enough (that’s what she said), so I just threw some olives on it and called it a day.

How was it?

The meat? Fun to look at, but it didn’t really add anything (nor did the pimento cheese, sadly). But I have to think that if these were ham ruffles, that’d be a horse of a different color.

The slaw was good. Granted, you’d get the same result if you mixed a bag of shredded coleslaw cabbage and blue cheese dressing. Did they not have bottled salad dressing back then?

OK. Quick fact–there is an Association for Dressings and Sauces. It’s like the condiment commission. There is a history of salad dressing! And here you can find your salad sign!

Aquarians tend to be “team-players.” As such, they prefer the most popular salad dressing flavor, Ranch. Aquarians are most likely of all polled to try to maintain a balance of healthy eating. They prefer leisure and social activities and are Mixers, which means they mix their salad dressing to coat every item in their salad bowl.

I call shenanigans on this. Yes, I do like to eat ranch dressing with my pizza and it is the only acceptable choice for a Pittsburgh Style Salad, but my favorite is Thousand Island a thousand times over.

What about you? Go check your salad sign or find out what your favorite condiment says about you and enjoy your 4th of July!

And now the obligatory Liberace and Dean Martin star spangled gif!

P.S. according to my favorite condiment, I am a man over 55!