National Jell-O Week 2014: Braunschweiger Glace

I selected this recipe, from Better Homes & Gardens Snacks and Refreshments, specifically for this year’s National Jell-O Week:

Let’s take a closer look at the cover. Oh my! What is that shiny item in the lower right hand corner?

What the hell is that?

Is that pate covered in gelatin?

Why yes. Yes it is!

I did my research: Braunschweiger is a type of liverwurst.

And,FYI, it comes in sealed loafs:

I know that this “glace” and Jell-O Week are enough on their own for one post, but since it is also Valentine’s Day week, let me share an OKCupid story with you while I make my “pate.”

So one night last month, I went out on a date with Iris. OK, that sounds weird. A guy I was texting via the site, Leland, basically invited himself when I was out with Iris. Fine. Whatever.

So he meets us at a bar and he does his macho posturing and is trying to impress us and the subject of karaoke comes up (because when doesn’t it?). And he says he’s good. And Iris asks, how good? On a scale of 1 being Paris Hilton and 10 being Celine Dion, where are you? And he says 8. A hard 8. We didn’t believe him. So on a Wednesday night we went downtown to a steakhouse (!) that holds karaoke 7 nights a week and tested him.

Dude didn’t lie: could sing. And he was kinda cute. So I was immediately crushing.

But the next day, I used my Kalinda Sharma-like investigative skills and I found out a little bit about him.

This gem came from a website called Ripoff Report:

Leland is a Con-artist and professional lier Baltimore, Maryland

This man is a con artist and a lier. He is a call sales man so that should tell you something. I was stupid enough to date this man, while doing so I lent him money to get his dealer owned car out of impound. $300 dollars later and months after he claimed he pay me back and I have seen nothing. People have to learn that taking advantage of others will come back to haunt them. I will not let this go and will be sure to let anyone in my path know what a lier and untrustworthy you really are. Just pay the money you owe and be done with this.

And then this:

Leland is a con artist and a liar. He skipped out on a 1 year lease after 2 months. He was always late on his rent. He owes me for two month so far plus damages and clean up. He will charm you with his story. Do not trust him. He is a liar. Do not rent to him. He is a used car salesman in Tucson. He has a good job but refuses to pay his debt.

Totally shutting down that used car salesman stereotype right there, amiright?

We could never get our schedules to match so for a couple of weeks we went back and forth for a while trying to set up another date. And I know, I know, I know, you’re asking, why in the hell did you try to go out with this winner again?

Why? Because he told me that he had a hot tub.

And it was not in his backyard. Or on his deck. Or a whirlpool tub in the bathroom. He said it was in his bedroom. His bedroom!

Who did he think he was, a hotel in the Poconos?

Or Jayne Masnfield?

This begged a ton of questions: Where in the bedroom would you put a hot tub? Is it in a corner? Is it on a platform? Is it chlorinated? Are there rope lights? Mirrors? Was it in the house before he moved in or did he install it? Is the room carpeted? What about mildew? And mold. What about the mold?!?!

Speaking of molds:

So. Many. Questions.

Alas, I never got to see the hot tub. But believe me, if I had, I would have taken cell phone pictures and videos to share. I imagine that it looked a lot less like the heart-shaped Poconos hot tub and more like the blow-up one that Kramer had in his living room:

Here’s my finished Braunschweiger Glace:

It’s almost pretty. Nothing says love like processed meat product encased in meat-flavored Jell-O!

And you know what I am going to say here, but I need to say it anyway:

This wasn’t bad. 

I brought it over to Todd & Leah’s house and Todd liked it, too. The gelatin covering was a bit unwieldy (note the gelatin blob that fell off of the plate in the picture above), but it tasted pretty damn good smeared on a cracker. And I love pate, so this mock version was right up my alley.

Happy Jell-O week, my friends!

And speaking of Jell-O week—show your love for everyone’s favorite jiggly food stuff and vote for me (and my Hawaiian Coffee Jelly Parfaits) over at the RantingChef.