X-Files Iced Tea

In the season one episode “Tooms” (where we revisit monster of the week Eugene Victor Tooms and all-around creepazoid Doug Hutchinson), this happened:

Ah, the scene that launched a thousand ‘shippers!

So here is some iced tea (that I obviously didn’t make):

iced tea

NOW HOLD THE PHONE!

DID SOMEONE SAY TEA???

Casual cup o' tea

Hell yeah, I did!

Oh, that’s right, kittens. Once more. With feeling!

You know you want to…

Teacup2

teacup3

teacup4

These photos will never, ever, ever, get old.

So, remember when I met David. Fucking. Duchovny?

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12347602_974509525919250_2257086301929094675_n

Of course you do.

One of my greatest regrets is that I didn’t ask him, in the 45 seconds total in which I was in his presence, about those photos. I really should have gone in there with:

Hi, David. Love your work—okay, what the fuck was with those teacup photos??? 

Eh. Would’ve. Could’ve. Should’ve.

Maybe it’s best that we never know and that the mystery of the teacup continues…….

 

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12 Responses to X-Files Iced Tea

  1. sidneyd says:

    Haha, oh my goodness. What is up with those photos though. I have no idea what that could be about.

  2. Thrilled to see those pictures again! When I saw the first one, where he is wearing a t-shirt, I thought I must have imagined him being NAKED with a tea cup and then I scrolled down. God bless t’internet!

  3. Heather says:

    Please call 911. I’m having a tea-induced heartattack. You should have asked.

  4. bunnypirate says:

    http://duchovny.net/articles/stern5_98.htm Doug: Duchovny, there’s this picture all over the Internet with you naked with a flowered teapot on your gonads. What’s going on with that?

    HS: Any truth to the rumor that you posed nude with a flowerpot on your gonads?

    DD: I will tell you the truth. Right before…we had done the X Files pilot…we were about to go do the series in Vancouver, we did a little photo shoot in case we needed pictures of me. I was in my manager’s house and she’s English so, therefore, she has a lot of teacups, and I was just goofing around, I was changing and she had a cigar and the teacups and I just put the teacup over my…

    Doug: It’s a very large teacup.

    DD: It’s not that large.

    HS: I heard you’re big.

    DD: I put it over my genitals and I had the cigar, and we just took a couple of pictures…

    HS: Female manager, you’re nude in her apartment…

    DD: No no no, I came out with the teacup.

    HS: Right, but you were nude. Were you banging your manager?

    DD: No, I was changing from one outfit to another. It was like Ann Margret in Vegas. I had costume changes.

    HS: Because I’m a guy with a small penis, I would never be seen with a teacup because I’d be afraid that if it moves, I’d be exposed. Only a guy with a large…

    DD: I wasn’t balancing it there, I was holding it with my hand.

    HS: But only a guy with a large penis would even take that risk. Trust me. [recording: “Now that’s a penis”]

    DD: What voice was that?

    HS: I could use a demitasse cup.

    RQ: A little espresso.

    HS: A little espresso cup.

    DD: It was actually a shot glass.

    HS: How does this picture end up on the Internet?

    DD: It’s kind of a sad story. A man who was working as my publicist at the time – who I won’t name and who actually did a lot of work for free for me when I couldn’t afford it – I guess got payment in this way by turning around and selling this picture years later…and it’s not that harmful, I mean, it’s kind of a goofy picture…

    HS: So it’s really you.

    Doug: You brought a lot of pleasure to a lot of guys.

    DD: Well, thank you very much.

  5. H.L. Shepler says:

    I saw one of those photos on tumblr a while ago (because of course I did it’s tumblr) but I didn’t know there was more than one. And now I’m blushing.

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