Wiener Wednesday: Fantasy Weenie Roast

cookoutOK, let me apologize for not having an actual weenie dish for you this week. I blogged the hell out of April and I am a bit tired. And it’s hot here. It’s supposed to hit 90 today in Baltimore. Which is disgusting and disconcerting–it’s only April, Mother Nature!

But since it is Wiener Wednesday, I had franks on the brain. And I thought of this–if I were to host the ultimate weenie roast and get to invite 5 (living) famous people to my shindig, who would it be?

Let’s get to it!

1. Sharon Needles

It has been well documented on the blog how much I love RPDR and Ms. Needles in particular. Self-described as “scary, spooky, and stupid,” it’s more like “adorable, fierce, and smart.” This girl loves Pittsburgh and so do I. She made Pittsburgh the City of Champions again with her win as America’s Next Drag Superstar. I mean, that’s right up there with Hines Ward winning Dancing With the Stars.

Last night my friend Scott sent me this photo of himself and Sharon–that lucky bastard!

Love the t-shirt.

But here’s the kicker–this is what the little screen in the middle says:


Thank you Scott!!!!!!

OMG! Sharon loves me, too! So there is totally a chance that if I invited her to my weenie roast, she’d actually show up.

2. Andy Cohen

The man responsible for Bravo programming, who became a star in his own right. As the host of Watch What Happens Live (and all those Real Housewives reunions), he has proven to be witty, silly, oddly sexy, and he has tons of famous friends–who I am sure he would bring along with him. Including Anderson Cooper.

balls3. Liza Minnelli

If dead celebrities were included, this spot would go to Ms. Garland–but Liza with a Z is a good substitute. This bitch is loopy, fabulous, a legend, and an EGOT. You know that she would randomly break into song and tell stories about “Mama.” Plus she was Lucille II on Arrested Development. Awesome.

So far this is the gayest weenie roast in the history of weenie roasts.

4. David Duchovny

Fox Mulder! Eye candy! He’s straight! And if I played my cards right, I could probably get him into bed with me at the end of the night. Plus he’s really smart and definitely has a sense of humor–I cite the tea cup photo series as evidence.

Ooooh, the last spot. You could always go with some one who I really admire like Bono, for instance. But you know that they would be so pretentious and, frankly, boring. There are so. many. people. that I could go with here.

But for the last spot I choose–

5. Trey Parker

Yeah, the South Park guy. He, too, is very smart and very funny (obviously). And he is extremely talented–you know, with that whole Tony Award-winning musical and all. And Baseketball and Orgazmo just kill me. Plus, he’d play the piano for Liza. They could do a duet. OMG, the entire group could join in on a rousing rendition of “Shpadoinkle.” Well, and he once told me I was hot. That gives him the edge.

It would truly be a Shpadoinkle Day.

My honorable mentions are Jon Hamm (uh, he’s Don Draper!), David Lynch (obviously), and Joan Rivers (she kills me).

So who would be at your fantasy weenie roast?

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0 Responses to Wiener Wednesday: Fantasy Weenie Roast

  1. Godzilaw says:

    A girl I know dated Trey Parker briefly in high school. When they broke up, he wrote a very unflattering song about her and recorded it onto a cassette tape – I think she still has a copy of it!

  2. 1st, WTF?!?! How come I’m not on that list? I’m straight 99% of the time an I play piano and guitar.

    2nd, what’s EGOT?

  3. phairhead says:

    Margaret Cho, Margaret Atwood, Edie Sedgwick, Jon Hamm, Eric Stoltz and a young Orson Wells

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