Sausage in Biscuits! That sounds tasty. Sausage: good. Biscuits: very good. Kinda like Nic’s British Sausage Rolls–which are just little pockets of heaven.
But then you get into the recipe and realize that this is made from refrigerator biscuits, canned Vienna Sausages, and creamed peas.
I am a masochist.
Or an idiot.
Help me, Jesus.
The first problem I encountered was how do I get them out of the can? after I grabbed at one and it disintegrated in my fingertips. However, I learned from The Vienna Sausage Website, that squishiness is a desirable quality in a Vienna sausage; it should be soft enough to be spread on a cracker. I also learned from The Vienna Sausage Website that you can make something called Vampire Bat Faces with the little canned weenies. Too bad I didn’t know that before Halloween.
I think that their hue may be their most unnerving quality. That’s the color of Barbie flesh. They also smell exactly like canned cat food (actually, I take that back, Brian’s food smells better).
So there you have it–4 Vienna Sausages in 4 little buttermilk biscuits. The rest I just made as biscuits. I love a biscuit. The eighth biscuit got a little mangled so I threw it out. And so they went into the oven.
For the frozen peas and cream sauce portion of the dish: they didn’t have frozen peas in cream sauce at the store (of course). But I had frozen peas at home so I just thought I’d try to throw together a white sauce.
But I didn’t have to. What did my little eye spy on the same shelf as the chicken gravy at the Safeway? Aunt Penny’s White Sauce!
White sauce! After all those Dinner is Served! recipe cards that said “make white sauce or used canned,” I finally found it! So this Wiener Wednesday was a joyous occasion!
And I was unimpressed. I nuked the frozen peas separately then heated the sauce and mixed them together. The consistency was mostly smooth. But the taste? Bland. So I go in with some salt and pepper. Hm. Celery salt. Eh. Old Bay. Yup. Lots and lots of Old Bay, it is!
So the little sausage biscuits came out of the oven and didn’t look bad. I topped them with the creamed peas.
That is some mid-century Better Homes & Gardens realness right here.
I believe I’ve gone all the way down the rabbit hole, kittens. For chrissake I just wrapped mechanically-separated meat in ready-made pastry and topped it with creamed vegetables. The only thing that’s missing here is an aspic glaze.
Ew. These little sausage things were gross. They not only smelled like canned cat food, they tasted like it, too–or what I think that canned cat food would taste like. I’m not so out of my gourd that I’ve cracked open a can of 9 Lives and shared it with Brian. Besides, if I did, he’d bogart the entire can.
Anyway, I just couldn’t take these down. I had to throw the weenie-filled biscuits out. So I took one of the plain biscuits and put some of the creamed pea mix on top. With a lot of extra Old Bay.
Dinner is Served. Barf.