I was an odd child–for many reasons–but one particular reason is that, as a wee one, I devoured any and all shellfish and mollusks. I loved raw oysters and clams. I ate my first whole lobster at the age of 5, much to the disappointment of my parents, who bought two for a celebratory dinner at home and made the mistake of giving me a bite. Who could say no to the precocious child who was willing to give any food a try?
Yes, I would try anything, but that doesn’t mean that I liked it; I hated the nights when my mother would make the dreaded Salmon-Crab Patty. Canned salmon is disgusting–with delicious crab or no–I HATED SALMON-CRAB PATTIES.* They were the worst. Even when served with Kraft Mac n’ Cheese.
What does this have to do with 170. Tuna Patties? I don’t like canned tuna, either.
Let’s get to it. Goat time is one hour.
6:15: assemble garden salad
6:17: eggs in the pot to boil
6:18: as I wait for the water to boil, I start on the tuna mixture. As I drain the can I realize that I got tuna in oil and not water. Is that bad? I didn’t bother to look when I grabbed it at the store. It was on sale. It doesn’t say one way or another in the recipe. So I forge ahead.
I also don’t have relish, so I cut up a dill pickle.
I think that oil tuna is even more disgusting than water tuna.
6:30: I have 3 small patties to go sit in the fridge.
Now onto the peas.
6:35: I’m making my own white sauce. So I do the roux, etc. etc. etc. Question: can you even buy creamed peas in the store any more?
And just for shits and giggles, here’s some hard boiled egg.
6:40 time to fry the patties!
6:50 I think they’re cooked.
6:56 DINNER IS SERVED!
I’m not going so far as to say these are disgusting…
…no, they ARE disgusting.
They’re dry. Oh so dry. And lacking flavor. The recipe didn’t call for salt and pepper–I assume that the Worcestershire was supposed to take care of that. But these need more of everything–more salt, more lemon, more pickle, more onion.
The peas and sauce are…fine. BUT WHAT THE FUCK IS WITH THE EGGS?
It’s just stupid.
I’ve decided this dinner is stupid.
In the immortal words of one Mr. Randy Jackson:
I hate wasting food, but this one fed the garbage disposal.
At least my photo was pretty spot-on.
Seriously.
Truly proud of myself on creating just as visually unappetizing as the original.
*My mother is a dirty, dirty liar and conned me into eating canned salmon for years. I believe in retribution for eating the lobster. However, I am embarrassed to admit that it wasn’t until I was an adult and started cooking myself that it dawned on me that there was nary a bit of crab in said patties.
Because I am an idiot.
But this is still a stupid dinner.
you drained the oil right ? and until the 80s all canned tuna was in oil
I would try this. Except for the tuna in oil–never could, never will. I’m sure my wife would doctor this up and make it work.
I can’t really foresee asking her to.
Wow!-Your reproduction plating is spot on. And yes, boxed, frozen peas w pearl onions in cream sauce are still available (Birdseye?)
Tinned fish and Spanish/Portuguese conservas are recently very trendy here in smaller markets and tappas bars. Something I believe pandemic pantry cooking helped endorse. Canned salmon burgers were a mainstay* for us 2020-21’. *Once using mash potatoes in the mix was discovered(!). Thank your parents for their omega3 wisdom 😉
Even though I hate pretty much everything, I liked canned salmon as a kid. I think the thing that really sold me was that we could eat the bones. There aren’t too many foods where you can do that. (And even though I’m sure Hannibal would be above canned salmon, I think he’d approve of that rationale for liking it.)
OMG I totally forgot about the bones!!! EWWWWW.
I wonder if there is some sort of artisanal canned salmon from a very specific fish that he’d like.
I know nothing about salmon except that they try to swim up river. So they’re freshwater….?
It’s great that you were such an adventurous eater! Admittedly, while I loved smoked oysters as a child (and still do), raw oysters and clams became a delicacy only after I reached adulthood. Have always loved all the edible crustaceans, though!
I was fortunate that salmon patties didn’t make an appearance in my childhood. My dad had been traumatized by them as a child and my mom was not big on pan-frying in oil (which was a bummer during Hanukkah — latkes were a rarity, although hers were really good the handful of times we had them). I do like canned tuna and eat it often, but I have to be in the mood for canned salmon. And as much as I adore Eggs Benedict, I don’t understand any other types of egg-with-cream-sauce concoctions.
If I may suggest, you might think about trying a good quality Italian tuna in olive oil to see if it is more to your taste. I really like America’s Test Kitchen’s Pan Bagnat recipe — talk about a tuna sandwich!
I have the big ATK cookbook–maybe that recipe is in it. IF it is maybe I’ll find the good Italian tuna.
Yinzerella (and I use that name with all due respect), it was not your mother who conned you into eating canned salmon as retribution for eating that incredibly large and luscious lobster. It was my idea because I was the one who had to pay for the lobsters by selling one of my electric guitars. So, back at you! Just kidding, sweetie.
You are the evil one!
Nowt so queer as folk as they say over here oop north in the UK, I LOVE tinned tuna, in fact it would be in my top 3 foodstuffs. I would probably have loved dinner #170 x
The tuna in a can may be vastly different in the UK. It probably is!
I do not understand the egg either. There is no danger of my ever making that sauce. BUT I grew up on salmon patties made from canned salmon and I do not hate them, though I haven’t had one since the ’70s. I would give you an A for effort and for at least attempting to eat – and for the recreation photo, an A+++. Fantastic job there.
Thank you!