Smirnoff Bloodhound (1974)

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by yinzerella

 

Another Smirnoff cocktail–the Bloodhound!

And another block of boring and confusing copy.

What’s red, has Smirnoff in it and is served in a tall glass? Think you know? Suppose we add it’s easy to make and it has a nut-like taste instead of a spicy one? Still confident?

Well, even we were fooled when somebody served us what appeared to be a Bloody Mary, but turned out to be a nifty new drink. it’s made with Smirnoff, tomato juice and a little dry sherry. We’re calling it the Bloodhound. So nobody gets fooled.

To make a Bloodhound, pour 1 1/2 ozs. of Smirnoff into a glass with ice. Add 3 ozs. tomato juice and 1/2 oz or so of dry sherry.

My turn!

I can’t believe that Keith is trying to squeeze me into this dress. I hate this dress. I haven’t worn it in 6 years. The only reason why I’m wearing this dress in the first place is because of Kelley. “Wear the Holly Hobby dress tonight, mommy!” Kelley is also the reason why I can no longer fit into this dress. 

I hated pregnancy, but Keith thinks that Kelley should have a brother or sister; so we decided that we should have another baby–and that if we were going to try for another baby, we shouldn’t drink.  That was 4 years ago. We never fully restocked the liquor cabinet. Which is why I am drinking a Bloodhound: 1 1/2 ozs. of Smirnoff mixed with 3 ozs. tomato juice and 1/2 oz or so of dry sherry. 

It’s actually not that bad a drink. Better than no drink at all.

It’s time to get into the car. I can’t be late for Ms. Petty’s 2nd grade production of Godspell.

If I’m ever in the PTA I’m going to lobby for cash bars at all school performances. Screw bake sales. 

“Keith, do I look like Holly Hobby?”

Version 2:

Anytime is the right time for a Bloodhound. It’s a nifty, nutty twist on the classic Bloody Mary. Perfect for brunches, lunches, or as a pre-dinner apertivo as you contemplate bludgeoning your married lover with a giant peppermill and then throwing him into the fire. The fireplace would be a convenient manner to dispose of his body. But you wonder, “can bloodhounds sniff out charred remains?”  To make a Bloodhound, pour 1 1/2 ozs. of Smirnoff into a glass with ice. Add 3 ozs. tomato juice and 1/2 oz or so of dry sherry. Murder can wait until after dinner. Terry is a lying asshole, but those ribeyes look delicious, and Terry does know how to cook a steak.

Note: I find it very concerning that the Smirnoff people kept posing their models dangerously close to open flames (see version 2 of Smokey Mary).

The drink is oddly nutty. I don’t need to make this ever again, but I’m not mad at it.

 

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yinzerella

6 thoughts on “Smirnoff Bloodhound (1974)”

  1. Those gingham check “patchwork” long evening dresses were big deals in the 70s. (I may or may not have had one.) So was cooking meat in your fireplace like some sort of suburban caveman, although it looks like this guy is being suave and using an oven rack. I was seriously expecting beef bouillon to make an appearance, but the dry sherry is better.

  3. I definitely prefer your storylines for the images. The Holly Hobby reference reminded me how many times I saw Holly Hobby stuff when I was a kid. I always thought kids who had it were just humoring their moms who bought it because it seemed to grownups like the kind of thing kids would like, not something kids actually liked. Your story suggests that maybe I was wrong…. (My favorite is the second story, though! Can’t resist vintage angry women wanting revenge on sexist assholes.)

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