For Christmas Day, the fam and I did what we have done every year since whenever it was we retired the goose. We made a big ol’ Prime Rib. I really love Prime Rib.
Prime Rib. Huh.
So they (whoever the hell THEY is) say that women in their 30s are supposedly in their “sexual prime.” (you like how I made that leap?)
It’s an interesting notion. Now, I watch a lot of Amazon Prime–that’s totally the same thing, right?
No? It’s not? Well, shit.
OK, as you might have guessed, I took a bit of a hiatus from dating after Match.com was such a damn waste of money. But in the past week I have dipped my toes back into the OKCupid dating pool.
And now, It’s BAD DATING STORY TIME!!!!
So, since I’ve been active on the page, I’ve been receiving messages. I got one today asking about my mid-century furniture and whether I rehab my own. So I look at the guy’s profile. He seems cool, positive, active. Loves animals.
But then get a load of this misogynist bullshit (unedited–emphasis mine):
I wouldn’t be me if I didn’t put this in here. If you are friends with all your exes I’m not the guy for you. I don’t want to deal with guys who have humped my GF. Its not insecurity……. its realism. If you have had Friends with benefits I’m not going to be the guy for you. If you can’t control your vagina I surely don’t want to try. If you have had sex in the last 30 days or so I’m not going to be the guy for you either. That just seems a bit too “UNFRESH” for me. If you are into hunting or have close family members who are ALL OF YOU will hate me and what comes out of my mouth …….. and I’m not a small guy with no balls. If you think its cool for a 30 something or 40 something to randomly bang 20 somethings keep moving. Again, learn to control your vagina. Of course a 20 something will have sex with you. Its not because you’re hot for your age. They would likely have sex with an actual pig if given the chance. Don’t kid yourself.
The rage. All the rage.
Now, according to him, it’s totally not cool for 30 and 40-something women to have sexual relations with men in their 20s; but this is what he’s looking for:
Looking forsingle women, near me, ages 27‑68
He’s 41.
Hi, pot. This is kettle. You’re both fucking black.
He has two profile pics. One is of him and a random child; and this is the other…
Yup.
So, kittens, THIS is what’s out there! THIS is who messages me.
There is a part of me that wants to write back to him something along the lines of:
No, I don’t refinish the furniture. AND YOU ARE A SEXIST, MISOGYNISTIC PRICK!
But I won’t contact him because he definitely seems like the type of guy who would internet stalk you (maybe even real-life stalk you!) because you dared to reject him.
I’m just saying that the longer this goes on…
…the better and better that sounds.
Now let’s make some Prime Rib!
My brother made asparagus with a Gorgonzola sauce. I made a horseradish sauce using fresh, grated horseradish (I can’t get enough horseradish) and sour cream. The sauce was delicious both on the beef and the slashed baked potatoes. I used this recipe to make balsamic glazed onions. In lieu of the tomato-cucumber salad, my mum made a delicious one with apples, candied walnuts, gorgonzola, and a mustard vinaigrette. It’s a perennial favorite. I should really get the recipe.
This was good. Meat and potatoes, baby! The prime rib was cooked just the way I liked it–medium rare.
Remember–only 3 dinners left!
I love me some prime rib! Your post is making me hungry for it. As for the le douche from the dating site- With a crazy rant like that, I can’t believe he gets any interest from women on the site. I hate to break it to him, but he doesn’t really look that big in his weird headless torso picture. Who the hell is he to lecture anybody about their life choices and how they conduct themselves? He sounds like he is one of those douches that has a double standard-its ok for him to act like that but he is not interested in any woman who has had a life or any past experiences. UGH!
Applause for your gif of Janeane Garofalo as a serving wench at medieval times from The Cable Guy movie. My favorite part is the chicken skin scene where he does the Hannibal Lecture impression.
I just watched The Cable Guy last week. SO. FUNNY.
[…] the fuck is wrong with men? This isn’t quite as atrocious as the Control Your Vagina rant, but […]
What fascinates me is that guys who post stuff like that seem to have no concept whatsoever of how it comes off. It’s the equivalent of tattooing I HAVE MASSIVE CONTROL ISSUES across his forehead.
I’m sorry, but as a perpetually-single person myself, I was like “YESSS!” when you said you had more bad dating stories. Also, he couldn’t get his decapitated torso in focus. Maybe he should try Grindr while he sharpens his photography skills.
It was rather Grindr of him.
I am on Tinder, too, so I am sure there will be more stories to tell.
I followed the link from Mid-Century Menu and I have to admire your perseverance in cooking all of these dishes!
I love the ‘unfresh’ remark- I guess because he likely hasn’t had sex in much longer than 30 days AND doesn’t want any women to mentally compare him to their last encounter (since I’m sure he would come up lacking in every area).
I also don’t get the ‘if you love hunting’ warning-what’s he going to do, rant at hunters and those that love them with his ‘not a small guy with no balls’ aura protecting him? I wonder if he thinks meat should be gotten from the store as nature intended.
Thank you! The beginning of March will be my 5 year anniversary!
I am puzzled by the hunting bit as well because he didn’t say he was a vegetarian or vegan.
Thank you for visiting!
Things I do not miss: dating. That guy probably kills cats. Also, I don’t know why that’s what came to my mind (except it is probably full of truth).
Oh. My. Lord. I thought manifestos like that were only written on walls in human blood alongside photos of people with their eyes burned out!
BTW Your prime rib looks delicious!!!! xx
ha ha ha ha!
“at” should be “and” — stupid autocorrect! 🙁
That prime rib looks as fabulous as Douche-Nozzle is creepy. You TOTALLY dodged a bullet — I know someone like that at it isn’t pretty. Fortunately, I don’t have to deal with him anymore.
I never had to deal with him at all because he was so kind to be so horrible in his profile. Thank god!
So…chances are a 60-something-year-old woman has had SOME sexual experience, and since she was probably around in the “free love” “key party” eras, she may have a LOT of experience. What’s wrong with experience? Let’s say you need a last-minute replacement for a piano recital. Who are you gonna call–someone with a very limited repertoire and little to no experience in front of an audience, or a seasoned professional with a yooge repertoire and decades of experience?
Also, dude–someone’s humped ALL the girlfriends you may have had. If you dated a virgin, you’d complain about that too…
And “unfresh”?! The hell? Have I time-traveled back to the 70s and watched one of those Summers Eve commercials? How fresh is YOUR stuff, buddy?
Gah–I couldn’t even comment on the great looking prime rib because of Mr. Kettleblack!
When I saw the picture Lamedick posted of himself, I honestly thought you had just used a picture of Buffalo Bill from “Silence of the Lambs”! What a douche!! He probably lives in his mother’s basement and her mummified body is upstairs laid out on her bed.
On Wed, Feb 10, 2016 at 10:38 AM, Dinner is Served 1972 wrote:
> Yinzerella posted: “For Christmas Day, the fam and I did what we have done > every year since whenever it was we retired the goose. We made a big ol’ > Prime Rib. I really love Prime Rib. Prime Rib. Huh. So they (whoever the > hell THEY is) say that women in their 30s are suppos” >
“Douche” is most appropriate for him.
Only three left?! You are approaching a major life goal. Now I feel bad that I haven’t even showered today.
Also, that guy? Why do I have the feeling he’s not so controlling about what he does with his bits?
Right?!?! I’m sure he’d screw a twenty-something in a hot second.
Wow! That guy definitely did you a favor by revealing what a backward creepy asshole he was without any prompting at all. Dude’s a real humanitarian.
Woooooooow, TWO nipple rings? You dodged a bullet, there. I mean, besides the obvious reasons, of course.
Yep. A real winner that dude. I guess he was really proud of the piercings.
That prime rib looks good enough to hump. OH MY GOD. MY 40 YEAR OLD VAGINA IS OUT OF CONTROL. Call the cops.
HA! You need to keep it in check, girl!
I can’t believe he actually said “control your vagina,” TWICE.
The roast, however, looks delicious and perfect.
Right?!?! I didn’t know that it had free will and the ability to just go off without me knowing.
Honestly, it would explain 35% of my decisions in college.
Bravo.
1 million internet points for “flames, flames on the side of my face” gif.
I don’t get the whole idea of “we have never even spoken to each other, but here is my treatise on how you ought to be conducting your sex life.” I like to imagine this actually happening in person and how insane it would look if one person just walked up to another and said, “Nice furniture now I will bleat at you about your control of your genitals.” On the other hand, I guess it’s preferable for a person to out themselves as a nonstarter immediately rather than dragging it out. On the OTHER other hand, since the phrase “humped my GF” is something that should never come out of the mouth/keyboard of a person who has reached adulthood, he could have stopped right there, because the message had been articulated.
The prime rib was nice, too.
It should never be uttered by a man no longer in his twenties.
Also, I initially read “humped my GF” as “humped my Gluten Free.”
Mmmm, prime rib… Here’s the thing – I know several seemingly normal, well-adjusted women that would get totally turned on by that message. Go figure.
But there is a little bit of truth – guys in their 20s are often very indiscriminate.
How in the world would someone get turned on by that? BARF.
Two words – bad boys. Lotso women dig bad boys.
Loved this post! I had to laugh at the guy who posted that ridiculous message on a dating site. As a veteran of several years of online dating, I will tell you it gets no better dealing with men who I seek, in the senior category. Many are no better than teenage boys. The cat and parrot are looking pretty good right about now.
When you get your mom’s recipe for that apple-gorgonzola salad, I hope you post it. It sounds really good.
I always enjoy your blog–thank you!
I will ask her for the recipe. Thanks!
1-1/2 tbsp. champagne vinegar or white balsamic
3/4 tsp. dijon mustard
1 egg yolk
3/4 tsp. salt
1/2 tsp. pepper
6 tbsp. olive oil
Combine first five ingredients well…slowly add the olive oil and whisk.
Toss with leaf lettuce, bibb lettuce, or a spring mix, one slice apple, candied pecans or walnuts, and gorgonzola cheese.