In the season one episode “Tooms” (where we revisit monster of the week Eugene Victor Tooms and all-around creepazoid Doug Hutchinson), this happened:
Ah, the scene that launched a thousand ‘shippers!
So here is some iced tea (that I obviously didn’t make):
NOW HOLD THE PHONE!
DID SOMEONE SAY TEA???
Hell yeah, I did!
Oh, that’s right, kittens. Once more. With feeling!
You know you want to…
These photos will never, ever, ever, get old.
So, remember when I met David. Fucking. Duchovny?
Of course you do.
One of my greatest regrets is that I didn’t ask him, in the 45 seconds total in which I was in his presence, about those photos. I really should have gone in there with:
Hi, David. Love your work—okay, what the fuck was with those teacup photos???
Eh. Would’ve. Could’ve. Should’ve.
Maybe it’s best that we never know and that the mystery of the teacup continues…….
I saw one of those photos on tumblr a while ago (because of course I did it’s tumblr) but I didn’t know there was more than one. And now I’m blushing.
I really do regret not asking him about the teacups when I did the meet & greet back in October.
I mean you’d be within your rights if you ever meet him again. Tea and nudity (in the right circumstances) are two of life’s joys, after all. I’m just glad he found a way to combine them.
http://duchovny.net/articles/stern5_98.htm Doug: Duchovny, there’s this picture all over the Internet with you naked with a flowered teapot on your gonads. What’s going on with that?
HS: Any truth to the rumor that you posed nude with a flowerpot on your gonads?
DD: I will tell you the truth. Right before…we had done the X Files pilot…we were about to go do the series in Vancouver, we did a little photo shoot in case we needed pictures of me. I was in my manager’s house and she’s English so, therefore, she has a lot of teacups, and I was just goofing around, I was changing and she had a cigar and the teacups and I just put the teacup over my…
Doug: It’s a very large teacup.
DD: It’s not that large.
HS: I heard you’re big.
DD: I put it over my genitals and I had the cigar, and we just took a couple of pictures…
HS: Female manager, you’re nude in her apartment…
DD: No no no, I came out with the teacup.
HS: Right, but you were nude. Were you banging your manager?
DD: No, I was changing from one outfit to another. It was like Ann Margret in Vegas. I had costume changes.
HS: Because I’m a guy with a small penis, I would never be seen with a teacup because I’d be afraid that if it moves, I’d be exposed. Only a guy with a large…
DD: I wasn’t balancing it there, I was holding it with my hand.
HS: But only a guy with a large penis would even take that risk. Trust me. [recording: “Now that’s a penis”]
DD: What voice was that?
HS: I could use a demitasse cup.
RQ: A little espresso.
HS: A little espresso cup.
DD: It was actually a shot glass.
HS: How does this picture end up on the Internet?
DD: It’s kind of a sad story. A man who was working as my publicist at the time – who I won’t name and who actually did a lot of work for free for me when I couldn’t afford it – I guess got payment in this way by turning around and selling this picture years later…and it’s not that harmful, I mean, it’s kind of a goofy picture…
HS: So it’s really you.
Doug: You brought a lot of pleasure to a lot of guys.
DD: Well, thank you very much.
I don’t know if I even want to read it…I kind of enjoy not knowing. ha!
ALSO! I totally forgot about Howard Stern on E! wowwwwwww.
Please call 911. I’m having a tea-induced heartattack. You should have asked.
Thrilled to see those pictures again! When I saw the first one, where he is wearing a t-shirt, I thought I must have imagined him being NAKED with a tea cup and then I scrolled down. God bless t’internet!
Everyday is a good day for a spot o’ tea with nude Duchovny.
Haha, oh my goodness. What is up with those photos though. I have no idea what that could be about.
My guess is that drugs were involved.
Well, hello.