Yep, 2013–because this is all stuff from earlier this year that I never published. Oh, go read it. It’ll make sense.
January 12, 2013
On cable I just watched “Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind”–a film I only ever saw once, in the theater. It’s such a well-written, beautifully realized, and wonderfully acted film (really, was only Winslet nominated and not Jim Carrey? Shit, you know, if he had been nominated for “The Truman Show” and “Man on the Moon” I think we’d have another Tom Hanks on our hands–dude was fucking awesome and I don’t know where the hell he went!).
But I digress, it had been a long time since I saw the movie. A loooooong time. So I forgot how good it was until I saw a part of it again.
And because I just saw it, my New Year’s resolution, in addition to doing what I can to look better naked (first-world problems), is that this year I want to fall in love.
Like, fall really in love.
Fall so much in love that it’s absolute elation. And that if (OK, when) it ends, there’s not just inconveniences and hurt feelings in its wake, but devastation. The kind of love that changes you so much that there is enough reason to want to erase someone from your life because the loss of the feelings are just too much to bear.
It has been many years since that happened and I believe that I am where I want that to happen again. I got the rest of my shit together so I want to be ass over heels, irrationally, in love again. Do you hear me, Universe?
Or, I’ve just had too much Pinot Grigio. If that’s the case–Universe–rain check?
June 24, 2013
Fact: I totally had too much Pinot Grigio. This is my 6-month update…
I got this in a fortune cookie:
So, it’s good that this was my Chinese language lesson on the flip side:
Because after that shitty fortune, I needed a stiff drink. Thanks a lot, Chinese fortune cookie people!
I’m doing pretty good with my 2013 goals. I am totally trying to do stuff to make myself look better naked–I am going to the gym and I am trying to be more conscious about what I’m eating. And I am making an effort to drink less. I also had a weird body acceptance epiphany thing happen. Yeah, there are a lot of things about me that could be a lot better. But it also could be a hell of a lot worse. All things considered, I think I look pretty decent for someone who will be soon exiting the all-important 18-34 demographic.
As for the love thing? I’m working on it. Obviously. You’ve read my dating posts. I’m not at all successful, but I’m working on it. Somehow I still believe there’s a chance that there is someone out there for me.
In the immortal words of RuPaul:
Can I get an Amen up in here?
October 10, 2013
Fall update!
I’m still going to the gym. Which is a miracle. I went on vacation in September and used the hotel gym THREE TIMES. I know. WTF? Who am I? But the gym makes me feel better, so I keep going. I am not sure if I look any better naked, but now there are real muscles under all of my little pillows of fat. I am not chubby–just fluffy. And my arms look pretty boss.
I’m probably not drinking any less, but I have made improvements on the whole not smoking thing thanks to an electronic cigarette. And I know, I know, I know, I made a big deal about Zeke and the e-cigarette. But his totally looked like a Bic pen. Mine is all weird and big and green and looks like it should be attached to a hooka. I think it makes me look eccentric (OK, I don’t have money, so it really makes me look crazy, not eccentric. But whatever).
And finally, that whole love thing. Well, I have been dating the same guy for a few months and he meets my extremely low standards:
- Born before Bush Sr. was in office
- Employed
- No roommates
- No children
- Has lived places other than Baltimore
- Tolerates cats
- Eats meat (remember, we had to add that after the vegetarian incident )
Those are reasonable requirements, right?
One recent evening I was at Club Charles with my friends Iris and Erin and the topic of said gentleman came up. I gushed a bit.
OK, that’s a lie. I gushed a lot. This shocked Erin–so uncharacteristic for me! And this dude not only met my standards, he exceeded them. I mean, the man knows how to use an apostrophe!
Iris threw this out there:
“Yes, the bar was set pretty low, but think of the Coney Island Hot Dog Contest. For years and years, guys were winning with 24–25 hot dogs. So that’s what was expected. And then Kobayashi comes in and takes down 50 hot dogs and totally changes the game. This guy is the Kobayashi of boyfriends.”
NOT my boyfriend. But I had to share that because it may be the BEST. METAPHOR. EVER. And extremely fitting for a gal who made hot dogs every week for an entire year.
Besides, I don’t need a boyfriend.
December 12, 2013
Ah, did I fall in love? Can I say that my 2013 resolution was accomplished?
Nah. I just slipped…
…but I caught myself.
For those of you who were really looking forward to the fourth installment of the meatball 4-way, I am sorry to say that I don’t think it’s gonna happen; Mr. Buckeye was camping over the Thanksgiving holiday and was, quite unfortunately, attacked by a rabid wolverine.
True story!
Dude’s in pretty bad shape. But not to worry–the dog is fine.
OK, so maybe I didn’t accomplish my 2013 goal, but the winners here are you, my friends! I am still on the OKCupid circuit, so I will have lots more depressingly hilarious tales of dates-gone-wrong to share. And I know that you kittens love it when I have horrible dates.
In completely unrelated (yet related) information, last week I was cleaning out one of my drawers and I found some ephemera from when I was with Dearly Departed Cleve. As I was about to put it all in the recycling bin, I pulled out a piece of notebook paper which was, in honor of my 31st birthday, the top 31 reasons that he loved me.
Some of them were just ridiculous. But most of them were really touching. And it made me feel good to know that four years ago someone loved me enough to write down the reasons why. If it happened once, it could happen again, right?
I threw the rest of the stuff away. But that I kept.
So my 2014 resolutions?I got 2.
1. To finish the DiS! cards. There are only 20 left. TWENTY!
2. To stay positive. Which, if you know me, you know that’s pretty damn hard.
I hate these lyric video things, but I am feeling this song right now (I’m trying to be happy and shiny, damnit!). I actually love this entire album–I never imagined that one of my favorite albums of the year would be by a country artist. Weird. Utterly weird.
But anyhoo—I hope you all had a great 2013 and will have an even more kickass 2014.
What are your resolutions this year? Anything good?
Happy New Year, Kiddo! Ohio doesnt seem to agree with you…sorry. Rabid Wolverine? Is that a metaphor, or am I just getting old? Lets see… lots of the Big 10 left for ya, you got yer Badgers, Boilermakers, yer Spartans, and Hoosiers, yer Wildcats, Hawkeyes, Fighting Illini (lame), and yer Gophers! I wish you good luck in 2014 🙂
p.s. – I know how to use apostrophes 😛
(Meant to add this earlier.) A really real wolverine? Really? Please give us more info on that attack if you can!
No more Ohioans. No more Matthews. Or guys with “Matt” anywhere in their names. LOL.
Indeed, I am going to have to target another mid-western state school. 🙂
Happy New Year to you, doll!
Ruth–here’s the info you need: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Michigan%E2%80%93Ohio_State_football_rivalry
Gotta say, I’ve had worse years–hubby and kids are reasonably healthy, and kids are all employed! Got two grandkids who are pretty neat, and my mom is still pretty healthy physically and mentally (most of the time, she is 76 after all). We are all still speaking to each other and on good terms, however much we dirve each other nuts. Money is tight, very tight, be we are getting by. On the husband thing, I finally decided I liked being on my own, and I liked myself, and I could stand living that way the rest of my life (I had maiden aunts who never married and lived wonderful lives), and that’s when he turned up. Been married 35 years in December 2013, so something was right. Just hang in there, there is someone for everyone and we eventually find each other. Knowing you’ve found that person is the real problem, and my bar was set pretty low at the time, too. But he’s been a keeper through all the problems.
Ruth, I hope that in 2014 all that was good about 2013 continues to be good and that everything else looks up. Bravo on 35 years of marriage–my parents hit that milestone in 2013 as well!
This was a great year for me. We bought a house, he brought the money to pay off the loan I brought the down payment. I also reached a goal of 10% weight lose and am back to my old fattest. There is something weird about being happy about your floppy body but I know it can get worse so I am enjoying what I have and moving on. Next year will be about more weight lose, hoping for about 10-15 more lbs but if I don’t gain and lb next year I will be just as happy. The other things is 2014 is going to be the year I make $. Starting my own etsy and ebay stores and seeing where that takes me. Hang in there on the dating scene. I was dateless for 5 years, the 1st 2 where hard but the last 3 were all about me, then he came along and ruined it all with his cuteness. BASTARD! For you I hope that this year wiener Wednesdays has a whole new meaning. Have fun tonight and can’t wait to hear what you have planned for next year. (Please don’t be that you are done with this after you do the last 20 cards, please, oh please, oh please)
Angie, thanks so much for reading the blog this year–don’t worry, I will still be blogging even when I am done with the last 20! Your Wiener Wednesday comment made me laugh.
And congrats on the weight loss!
Oh, please let me know what your etsy and ebay shops are so I can check them out.
OK I will let you know when my shop is open. I hope to have a few things up in the next couple of weeks. And I will start linking my page in the website part of the blog details thing I have to fill out.
Aw boo. I had high hopes of Corgiman Buckeye. Dammit. It took me about 8 years to find a decent man. Obviously I’m hoping you’ll get there faster than I did but do hang in there. My new man is going to spend New Year’s Eve watching Columbo and doing a jigsaw with me. AND drinking copious amounts of booze obviously. There is much fun to be had with unsuitable men, but evem more to be had with suitable ones. Big kisses to you and keep your chin up in 2014 – there’s a good one out there somewhere for ya. xx
You really do love Columbo! End the year with a great night. Best wishes for 2014!!!