Happy New Year!
You asked for it–ok, no one asked for it–but based on your comments it seems like you all really get your jollies from my romantical follies (oh, I love rhyming!), so here is a quick rundown of the year that was Yinzerella’s first foray into the dark, scary (yet oddly entertaining) world of online dating.
Here, courtesy of realitytvgifs.com, are my responses to some of the choice guys that I went out with this year:
The guy who told me (multiple times), “you’re so neurotic”:
The guy who called my accent quaint:
The guy whose shirt was unbuttoned enough to show off his gold medallions:
The guy with sleeves who complained about the fact that he was frequently asked about his tattoos:
The guy who sent me inspirational texts:
The guy who took the centerpiece flowers from a wedding:
The guy who bitched about fat people the entire time:
And this:
So there was the 30+ guy with one female roommate. Whatever. But then there was the over-30 guy who had TWO female roommates:
And then the guy whose roommate was his ex-wife:
Finally, the guy who cried over the phone when one of his 50 million roommates moved out and took the cat:
And that, my lovelies, is all she wrote. I got some guys in the pipeline for 2013, but I don’t know if I will choose to see them or not. But if I do, you know that you will have a front-row seat. I promise.
But seriously, after those dudes I’m feeling like Miss Milania here:
[…] here’s the kicker–I swear to god it was the same asshat from a couple of years ago with the tattoo sleeves. The guy that was pissed when people …. I’ve gone out with this douche […]
As a thirty-something single lady, I had no doubt that these dates were fo real. And that’s really sad, cause it means it’s like a global thing.
We’re doomed. We’re all doomed.
Very funny! New to your blog from mycustardpie recommendation and it’s very entertaining, I do like your style.
oh.my.goodness.
While I find this hilarious, and love that you have humor through it all…it makes me so happy that I am married to an awesome man. Because at 32, if I was unmarried, I might just buy a dozen cats and skip dating altogether. Or I’d be so ridiculously blunt in my dating profile you’d have to be ballsy and awesome to date me. Because the world is full of people with questionable personalities! After those dates, you totally better understand why those people are still single. yikes. Here’s to 2013 being a much better dating arena for you!
Loved this!
Genius.
I think I should just get you to do this whole thing all over again as a guest post on my blog – sounds pretty much like my year! Crazy times out there on the dating scene FOR SURE. My favourite date in 2012 was a guy who had a purple streak in his hair and fingernails all pointy and manicured. He carried a silver topped cane and wore very pointy shoes. He also talked a LOT about his tattoos. He wanted me to go on a really scary fairground ride with him after buying me three cocktails. I politely declined.
I would have bailed as soon as I saw his nails. Ew.
You lie. Those have to be lies!
I shit you not.
This is what happens if you remain unmarried after 30.
Then all I have to say is “Whoa! – that is quite the crop of losers!” (especially Inspirational Text Guy). I hope 2013 is better in the romance department.
I vote that you write a sister-dating blog. Please, please, please.