Wiener Wednesday: Tessie O’Shea’s Frankfurter Chutney Salad

Finally! A salad that incorporates Hot Dogs. This is exactly what Wiener Wednesday was missing.

This recipe was sent to me from UK–suggested by Jenny of Silver Screen Suppers and Vincentennial Cooking (go visit her blogs because they are fabulous and historical. Plus, don’t you want to make Alfred Hitchcock’s Quiche Lorraine or Marilyn Monroe’s Stuffing?).

This recipe comes from a cookbook called Tessie O’Shea’s Slimming Cookbook (1974).

Ah, Tessie. I don’t know much about her except that she was Welsh and a singer/actress. But I do know that Miss Tessie O’Shea definitely didn’t fuck around when it came to the clothing department. I love how she’s holding that dungeness crab like it’s a maraca. Is she carrying a lettuce bouquet? Is that a muumuu made entirely of feathers?

This reminds me that I really need to invest in some quality marabou boas. Because my wardrobe doesn’t say “madame” enough.

Tessie O’Shea’s Frankfurter Chutney Salad

Ingredients

Shredded lettuce leaves
6 frankfurters
2 tablespoons mayonnaise
3 tablespoons diet chutney (sweet and sour pickle, diatetic tpe)
1 teaspoon lemon juice
1 teaspoon Worcestershire sauce
¼ teaspoon garlic powder (optional)

Method

You can cook the franks if you wish, but this salad is better if you just wash them in cold water and chop up into small pieces.

Mix all the ingredients, except the lettuce and franks, to make a dressing. Stir the pieces of franks into the dressing and serve on shredded lettuce.

I present to you a very serious question: On what planet are frankfurters considered diet food? Was Tessie O’Shea hanging out with Jean Dieditch (the founder of Weight Watchers) when she came up with this gem?

Honestly, this is right up there with the Frankfurter Spectacular on the hot dog monstrosity scale (although the Frankfurter Chutney Salad is lacking when it comes to presentation–shredded lettuce is no match for a spiraling tower of hot dogs).

I thought this salad tasted vaguely like Japanese steakhouse yum yum sauce. But with frankfurters in lieu of tasty hibachi shrimp and a volcano made of onion rings.

This reminds me that I haven’t been to a Benihana in ages. I love Benihana. I need to go and get girl-drink-drunk on some fruit-flavored something or other that is sipped out of a hole in the back of a smiling Buddha’s head. With an umbrella.

The completed Frankfurter Chutney Salad veered into vomit territory. Look at it:

There is not a single appetizing thing about little Oscar Mayer half-moons in a chutney/mayo dressing. It seriously looks like what happens when Brian goes all bulemic after eating his Friskies too quickly. But with lettuce.

Like the Peanut Butter Special, I would only serve this to someone I hated. But that still didn’t stop me from making a foodie friend of mine taste the damn salad.

That was totally a dick move on my part. I should be happy that he’s still talking to me.