Wiener Wednesday: Best Hamdogs

Posted on May 22, 2013 by

I am officially nominating myself for the Jerry Seinfeld Awards in Dating Excellence,  (Man-hands Category).

Why? Let me explain.

I was introduced to a friend of a friend who met all of my (seemingly low, but surprisingly difficult) standards:

  • Born before Bush Sr. was in office
  • Employed
  • No roommates
  • No children
  • Has lived places other than Baltimore
  • Likes cats

We went out a few times and he was nice and funny and I did genuinely enjoy his company. 

But there was one issue–he rolls like Morrissey* and thinks that meat is murder.

meatmurder

Moz, I swear, I won’t eat the kitten.

Yes, my friends, I deserve a Jerry Seinfeld Award in Dating Excellence,  (Man-hands Category) because I decided to stop seeing a perfectly fine dude because he is a vegetarian. 

Now hold on! Before you judge me too terribly, think about what I do as my hobby (and, let’s face it, my second job): I cook. A lot. Shit, I dedicate every Wednesday to wieners–as in tubes made out of meat–whether it be beef, pork, or turkey, snouts and lips and beaks and innards. I am a die-hard, give-me-the-nitrates-and-nitrates-offal meat-eater. 

I totally respect the decision to not eat red meat. Or poultry. It’s commendable.

But I love meat! And even if I ever did give up meat, I’d still want fish. And crustaceans. Shit, clams and oysters don’t even have eyes!

But, looking back on it, I guess the biggest issue was that he didn’t know what The Prime Rib is. And that is the happiest place on Earth! Plus, we could never go there. What the hell would he eat–a salad and a baked potato? As if!

I think this situation is exactly like someone who makes a dating decision based on religious grounds: whether it’s raising the kids Jewish or having an issue with someone who doesn’t believe in evolution. Except that at my church I worship at the altar of Oscar Meyer, Colonel Sanders and Mayor McCheese.

So, yeah. Deal breaker.

It seems fitting for this week’s Wiener Wednesday to make a treat that is a meat-stuffed hot dog wrapped in bacon.

That’s 3 types of meat in a bun!

From the 1967 edition of Better Homes & Gardens Barbecue Book, Best Hamdogs!

Best Hamdog recipe

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Wedding Ring Punch

Posted on May 15, 2013 by

Sorry, kids, but I am preempting Wiener Wednesday. I have some great news to share and, well, I just don’t have a hot dog dish. A girl can only take so many wieners!

And, yes, I know that I just walked into that one. But anyhoo, the exciting news:

Last week my younger brother got engaged! Which is very exciting. He is a wonderful guy and his bride-elect is a wonderful girl (by the way, I love that term. Bride-elect. Like there was a big tribunal and she was carefully selected from a roster of girls. Isn’t that what they did when deciding who to throw into the volcano?).

Anyway, in the course of a week it seems like everything has fallen into place: dates, venues, wedding party people, caterers–everything but the specifics, like colors (which I really hope are blush and bashful). A question: are weddings typically planned so quickly and efficiently? Is it just because the bride-elect is a wedding planner? I have no clue, since I have never been involved in anyone’s wedding.

Over the weekend my mum told me that she’s going to go gown shopping with the bride-to-be since the mother of the bride isn’t local. My mum is simply over-the-moon. And who wouldn’t be–trying on completely ridiculous dresses in a ton of fun!

But it’s a little sad for me because I feel that’s something that I won’t ever do with her. OK, I won’t say ‘ever.’ But let’s just say that the whole betrothed thing ain’t happening for me any time soon. At this rate, by the time I get married, my parents will be rolling down the aisle in wheelchairs. Shit, I might be in a wheelchair.

But! Fun fact: my brother asked me to be his “Best Person.” You know, the best man. This is one of the best things that could happen to me because no one–no one–is gonna get me to put on a dress that someone else picked out. Solution? Lady tuxedo.

I’m thinking something like this:

LADY TUX

Big hair + big shoes = BIG AWESOME.

or this:

clothing to combine with tuxedo trend Style of New Tuxedo as Women Fashion Trend of 2011

Well, not that short. I eat carbs. And drink booze.

But I pray to sweet baby Jesus that I don’t end up looking like this:

Fourteen-press-shot-1

Not that there’s anything wrong with this. I’m just not a 20 year old lesbian.

But there is a whole world of wrong with THIS:

celine

Jeezie creezie, Celine. You are never going to live that one down, are ya?

I have no idea where I can find a good lady tuxedo. Anyone know of some place I could get one? Can anyone recommend a good tailor in Baltimore?

Anyway, Wedding Ring Punch!

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National Shrimp Day!

Posted on May 9, 2013 by

Yes, it’s true. May 9th celebrates the little crustacean known as the shrimp.

Today, let’s observe the holiday by looking back on 3 shrimptastic dinners from the DiS! card set. Click on the photos to read more!

108. Baked Stuffed Shrimp

108. Baked Stuffed Shrimp

I baked a kuchen and everything.

This dinner was notable for actually being a brunch. And also because I prepared it in honor of my friends Melissa and Trey’s nuptuals. Oh, and good news, they’re still married. Mazel!

18. Sweet and Sour Shrimp

my #18

Featuring Japanese mayonnaise!

This was on OK dinner–saved by my creative plating (pretty, right?). But the post was absolutely inspired because of the random Paul Lynde references. I don’t know why. He just popped into my head and I couldn’t get him out of there.

Click on over for the dinner, but stay for the company.

And speaking of Paul Lynde, here’s his (entire) 1976 Halloween Special. The Paul Lynde Halloween Special! I think it should be required viewing for everyone and anyone who says that they love kitsch. However, I suggest that one does so under the influence of a control substance. I’ve never seen the whole thing. I think I’ll save it for October.

witchy

But you want to watch it because there’s a Special Performance by KISS! (No. Really. KISS.)

And Betty White. (Of course.)

Oh, and maybe at one point Paul Lynde is wearing a studded outfit that makes him look like a hybrid of the leather guy and the sailor in the Village People.

Go to 15:20!

54. Shrimp Creole

dinner is served 044

This dinner also started my love affair with Crystal Hot Sauce.

This was one of my first dinners. And if I remember correctly, it wasn’t bad–the actual Shrimp Creole, that is. Number 54 also contains one of the most disgusting things that has ever come out of my kitchen–something that I actually described as “Satan’s Shamrock Shake.”

You totally want to see what that is, right?  Go check it out!

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Wiener Wednesday: Relay Foods Roly Polys

Posted on May 8, 2013 by

I know that because of my relatively high hot dog consumption, you’re all worried that I’m gonna get butt cancer from all those nitrate and nitrate-ridden weenies. But I found a butt cancer-free alternative that is tasty and is not one of those tofu dogs–I mean, doesn’t that sound like the worst? Tofu dogs!

Through my friends at Relay Foods I happened upon the Polyface Farms Uncured Franks!

Polyface Franks

These are a healthier option that is an actual hot dog. With real beef and pork and seasonings.

I had the perfect opportunity to showcase these a few weekends ago when Claire (you know her as a regular DiS! guest) and I hosted a party that was catered by Relay Foods.

I made, what I have named, Relay Food Roly Polys.

Relay Foods Roly Polys

(makes 48 roly polys)
  • 1 pkg of Polyface Farms Uncured Hot Dogs, cut into fourths
  • 1 pkg crescent roll dough, cut into 48 squares
  • 4 slices swiss cheese, each cut into 12 little bits
  • butter
  • assorted dried herbs (I made mine with stuff I already had in my kitchen, but you can follow your bliss and do whatever feels right to you)

Bake until they look all golden and buttery and delicious.

roly poly doughDSCF5259[1]

So yeah, it’s just pigs in a blanket. But I mushed some dried dill and marjoram and garlic powder and parsley black pepper into the dough. Shoved some Swiss in, rolled ’em up, and then brushed them with melted butter and sprinkled them with some poppy seeds. Fancy!

Roly Polys

I am sorry that I don’t have a great “after” photo, and this is a depleted platter (they were very popular–especially with the kinder set), but I was busy being a hostess and stuff.

The dogs were good. And since they are uncured, they looked like what meat would look like and not the color of Barbie flesh (remember those Vienna Sausages?).

Read on to see the tasty treats that Relay Foods and chef Kean Mcilvaine prepared for our soiree!

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A Dessert Fit for a Queen: Baked Alaska

Posted on May 6, 2013 by

If you are a regular reader of DiS! I think I’ve made it pretty clear that I’m a big RuPaul’s Drag Race and Sharon Needles fan. So for this season there was no doubt who I’d be rooting for–ALASKA! She’s not only from Pittsburgh, she’s Sharon’s boyfriend!

Sharon Needles rupauls drag race Alaska Thunderfuck Alaska

Cutest. Couple. Ever.

And although she was read earlier in the series for being a Sharon knock-off, as the competition has progressed, Alaska has proven herself to be an awesome queen in her own right. If nothing else, she had my favorite line of the series:

And I truly do think that she possesses the charisma, uniqueness, nerve and talent to be America’s Next Drag Superstar. Plus, she deserves to win just for her perfume commercial:

But even if Alaska doesn’t win (alas, she won’t–Jinkx will), I want Logo to give Alaska and Sharon a reality show. Sure, it would just be them performing at the Blue Moon, drinking Pabst at Howlers, stumbling down Liberty Avenue, and buying cigarettes at the Baum Boulevard Get Go, but I would still watch the shit out of that show.

Here is Alaska at the finale red carpet:

laskyalaska

I particularly like this look because I have the same sunglasses:

Cattivo

Me & Scotty at Cattivo. Being awesome.

Which I stole from a Snatch Game performance last spring at Cattivo. I bet ya 10 bucks that Alaska was one of the contestants. I wonder if that’s where she got hers, too?

Anyway, just like I did Chicken a la Drag Queen for last year’s finale, I had to bust out a little something for season 5. So I consulted my favorite Pittsburgh cookbook, Mama’s Recipes: A Treasury of Hungarian-American Foods, and found a recipe for BAKED ALASKA.

Baked Alaska Recipe

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Happy Cinco de Mayo!

Happy Cinco de Mayo!

Brian sends you taco kisses and margarita dreams.

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Wordless Wiener Wednesday

Wordless Wiener Wednesday

How FEMA responded to Superstorm Sandy

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BH&G Cooking With Cheese: Chili Cheese Log

Cooking With CheeseSo on Friday night I was invited to another cocktail party hosted by my friends Rick and Ronny of Retrofurn.

I love their parties not just because of the company, the conversation, or their awesome dog Elvis, I also love their parties because it gives me an excuse to bust out a little mid-century tidbit to add to the snicky-snack buffet.

The last two times I brought Party Cheese Ball and Hearty Clam Delight. For Friday’s soiree I brought a Chili Cheese Log from Better Homes & Gardens Cooking with Cheese. It seems like there is a recurring theme when I bring a dish over to the House that Retrofurn Built–that theme is cream cheese.

Chili Cheese Log recipeWhy this dish? Well, aside from the mere fact that I am a fan of cheese and chili, I had all of the ingredients (sort of) in my fridge and pantry, so this was easy to whip up when I came home from work.

There were a few recipe modifications (OF COURSE) but those were minimal. It goes without saying that I bumped up the herbs and spices (there was definitely more than a dash of red pepper in my log). But in addition, in lieu of 2 cups of shredded American, I used a bag of Mexican Blend–so 4 different cheeses. Cheddar, Monterey Jack–and? I don’t know the other two.

And since I didn’t have pecans on hand, I substituted almonds. Granted, had this recipe been from the 1970s, those pecans would’ve been almonds from the get-go. Damn, they did love almonds in the 70s.

chili cheese log? But I digress, the chili cheese log was made to BH&G specifications. And although getting a blob of cheese into something that vaguely resembles a log is difficult, I succeeded. And although it was a precarious situation– rubbing chili powder into formed cream cheese with my bare hands–it all went down without incident.

Here is the finished log:

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Wiener Wednesday: National Pigs in a Blanket Day

Posted on April 24, 2013 by

I love these food holidays. I really do. Especially when they commemorate something as tasty as the Pig in a Blanket. And on a Wiener Wednesday of all days! It’s kismet.

I am no stranger to the pig in a blanket. Here are a few of the refrigerated dough/weenie combos that have graced the pages (are they pages?) of Dinner is Served!:

Weenie Wreath

wiener wreath

The wreath really is an artistic take on the pig in a blanket. And it’s so damn holly jolly I can’t stand it. But I guess you really could make this for any occasion–not just Christmas. Just change up the garnish.

Swiss Frank Roll-Ups

swissfrank

These took the basic dough/weenie combo and took it to the next level it with the addition of Swiss cheese, melted butter, and sesame seeds. Dee. Lish. Us.

Nic’s British Sausage Rolls

rolls 004

OK, not technically a pig in a blanket. But this recipe incorporates refrigerated dough with a meat stuffing. So it kinda counts. These really are the best of the bunch. If you haven’t given these a try yet–well, what are you waiting for? Make them now for someone you love. Before it gets too hot to even fathom turning on the oven.

Do you have any pig in a blanket variations that you love? You know that I’m always in the market for Wiener Wednesday ideas!

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Wiener Wednesday: Pork Sausage Croutes

Posted on April 17, 2013 by

The Marguerite Patten Recipe Cards have returned!

And with a vengeance! Feast your eyes on this:

DSCF5224[1]

Pork Sausage Croute Recipe Yay! A Lamb & Pork card!

Well, these definitely look…weird. But I wouldn’t expect anything less from Ms. Patten!

Let me get this out of the way: I didn’t make the little bacon rolls. Not because I didn’t want to!  I  just didn’t have any in the house and I wasn’t going to invest in bacon just for a garnish. Bacon. Garnish. All things should be garnished with bacon. So much better than a paltry sprig of parsley.

That being said, let’s get to it!

Well this is an odd little recipe. I did the internet research for you–a croute is a round of bread with a savory topping. Croute is French, y’all! So yes, this does qualify as a croute.

The ingredients are: pork sausage, tomato, bacon, dessert apples and bread rounds (what the hell is a “dessert apple”?).

The directions are: Cook bacon and make little rolls (cute!). Brown sausage. Fry apple. Toast bread rounds. Assemble.

So the toast, apple and sausage made sense. But then there was the tomato. And the parsley. What is this–a caprese salad? The apple/tomato/sausage combo is completely illogical. But what else should I expect from the mastermind behind Sausage Boatees?

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