I think it was established long ago that I am a horrible person. Or if not a horrible person, at least someone who deserves a Jerry Seinfeld Award in Dating Excellence.
Because I am still out there. Dating. And doing it in such a dismissively superficial manner. But does that make me a horrible person? Gentle readers, I will let you decide.
Let me tell you about my date with Kermit.
Before meeting Kermit I had some time on my hands because I went to Weight Watchers (yeah, back on the horse) and the 5:30 meeting wasn’t as long as I remember it being; so I went to a local watering hole and had a cocktail to pass the time. I texted my date to meet me at the bar instead of the restaurant.
So Kermit shows up. I presume hungry because he immediately tells me that he has The Gluten. Well, I am super-well versed in the world of gluten-free since my mum was diagnosed with Celiac 20 (!!!) years ago. And at this joint there was nothing for him to eat. Which is fine. I get it.
But he scanned the menu some more and told me that he doesn’t do dairy.
No gluten. No dairy.
But since I had a good deal of my drinkie left I asked,
Want a drink?
No. I don’t drink.
He looked at my glass of whiskey and pointed:
I know that this isn’t really the case. The gluten is eradicated during the distilling process, but whatever. The bartender offers gluten-free beer.
Nope. He declines. No drink.
He doesn’t drink.
No gluten. No dairy. No booze.
I mean, I had such a hard time working meat-free with Mr. Kinsey that I all but abandoned my retro cooking. At least we had cheese and alcohol in common (relationships have been based on less!).
So I, SHIT YOU NOT said to Kermit, this isn’t going to work. I don’t want to waste your time, but this is so not going to be a thing.
Perhaps that was a bit harsh and maybe I should have–
Yeah. Don’t care. Totally no fucks left to give. I was just being honest. And apparently this is a Friends post.
To his credit, Kermit didn’t just bail. He let me finish my drink and we went to have tacos.
The evening wasn’t a total waste. Kermit was a very nice guy. Not bad looking. Conversation was solid. And there were tacos (although I think Papi’s is overrated).
But, let me remind you again: NO GLUTEN. NO DAIRY. NO BOOZE.
So, in the spirit of this story I present to you, my friends, a dinner that features meat and dairy and gluten and booze:
I can totally break this one down for you because I kept detailed timeline-type notes. Ya know, like I used to do. Back in the day. Six years ago, to be exact. Yeah, I hit my 6 year blogging anniversary this week!
And yay to six years with my beloved Brian Boitano!
OK, now onto 119. Chicken a la King