So, as a lot of you know, when I was a wee girl I would flip through the AAA tour books of PA and NJ and would think of all the places I would like to go–the Jersey Coast, Philadelphia, and the most magical place of all, The Poconos.
The ads for each resort featured glamorous couples in heart-shaped hot tubs, with flutes of champagne and rose petals everywhere. And the most fantastic of all the resorts had 2-story champagne glass hot tubs filled with, what I was sure would be, strawberry-scented bubbles.
With all the mirrors and the candles and the flowers and those round beds–it was all so exotic to me. And it screamed FANCY. Like, you know you’ve made it when you get to stay in a place like that. I wanted to be one of the glamorous people who looked like they just stepped right off the set of Dallas and into one of these deluxe suites.
This Poconos-thing carried on into my adult life. Not so much as a “I want to go there because it must be the most fabulous thing ever” to a “OMG, I love retro, I love kitsch. I must go to there.”
Well, I guess I’ve made it, kittens. My dream came true. Mr. Kinsey and I loaded up the car (we brought a wheelie cooler with us) and we spent the night in a glamorous Champagne Tower Suite at the Paradise Stream Resort in Mt. Pocono, PA.
For reference, this is what they showed in the guide books:
And this is was our reality…
Finally, let’s compare and contrast (especially since we may be in the exact same room):
For all those years, AAA lied to me.
Was my trip glamorous? No. Was it terribly sexy? No.
Did I laugh the entire time I was there? YES. Did I have a fucking blast? YES.
I give this trip an enthusiastic 2 thumbs up. I loved Paradise Stream. Although it’s not what 10-year-old me imagined, this may have been better. It did not disappoint.
Now, if you want to see the trip in all its glory, watch the video. I think it’s HILARIOUS. Make sure to stay to the very end because, no, that was not staged.
Just as an aside (and this may be something stupid to say) as someone who has had weight problems and definite body issues for the majority of my life, I am proud that I can just say “fuck it” and share this. I never knew it would take me until my late 30s to say that. Plus, it’s really fucking funny. I mean, I’ve watched the last half of it at least six times and it doesn’t get any less funny.