34. Herb Broiled Chicken

I am chicken.

Well, I made chicken, yes.

Specifically this dinner, 34. Herb Broiled Chicken. But I am chicken, as well.



Lemme explain.

meatball bounty

Meatball extravaganza!

It was about this time last year I was dating Mr. Buckeye. Do you remember Mr. Buckeye? He was the meatball guy. From that BH&G Cooking for Two, there was the Double Up and Divide section, so I made 48 meatballs, which were then meted out in 4 different dinners: Meatballs Stroganoff, Oven Meatballs in Barbecue Sauce, Meatballs in Sauerbraten Sauce, and Spaghetti and Meatballs.

Sadly, we will never know how the spaghetti and meatballs were. This is why…

Things were going swimmingly with Mr. Buckeye–we’d see each other about twice a week. We’d go out to dinner, watch Ohio State games and NFL games together, shoot guns (yes, shoot guns). He would make me breakfast. I both dropped him off and picked him up at the airport. The airport pick up is a big thing, amiright? I even watched NASCAR with him. NASCAR!

We saw a lot of each other. It was fun. Easy. And he was really easy on the eyes. Like, super-easy on the eyes (think young, hot, Alec Baldwin). I am not kidding you, kittens. The little bitch was a looker.

So I thought: OMG, I kinda have a boyfriend! And then: Do I have a boyfriend? It sure seems like I have a boyfriend. 

The night before Thanksgiving (we were going to a Thanksgiving dinner together), I prepped root vegetables to be roasted the next day and he baked an apple pie (how cute is that? He even wore an apron).

After doing all the baking and prepping, we sat on the couch and drank scotch. He showed me on his phone a picture of something or other (probably his dog) and the phone scrolled down to a text conversation between him and his mother. I caught the words: Her name is Crystal. She’s a waitress, but I see real potential there.

Me (like an idiot): Are you trying to get this girl a job?

Him (talking to me like the idiot that I am): No, babe, I’m dating her.


Exsqueezeme? Baking powder?

What the ever-loving fuck?

He was taking me out for real, actual dates, where he paid for everything and shit. We were set to have Thanksgiving dinner the next day. We were planning a murder mystery party at his house together. He introduced me to his parents. Who does that when you’re seeing other ladies as well?

For serious, who does that?

BUT! In his defense: we never talked about being exclusive.

Which is true. I never had the guts to initiate the “where are we?” conversation. I was never sure if I needed to. I felt like we had just slid into a relationship of sorts. See? Me: chicken.

So, long story short: no spaghetti and meatballs. There may be 12 meatballs still sitting in Mr. Buckeye’s freezer.

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Raw chicken!

I should also note that I don’t have the guts to properly break up with someone and tell them that I’m no longer interested, either.

So I do The Fade Away. Sometimes even the pre-emptive Fade Away, so as to reject before I’m rejected. It is passive aggressiveness at its finest!


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I never thought of broiling chicken

But, boy-oh-boy is it fucking annoying and frustrating when a guy does The Fade Away and disappears into the ether of the internet when you’ve gone out on a number of dates (like, a good number of dates), and then poof! They just no longer exist. No texts. No emails. No phone calls (but of course, there were never any phone calls to begin with since we now live in a conversation-averse world where a guy would rather send 20 texts over an hour trying to make plans for next Tuesday when a 5-minute phone call would suffice).

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This is a thing.

So then I’m there dying to know what went wrong or what I did wrong, but can never ask that because they’ve already become the kid on a milk carton.

Anyway, lesson learned. Now I automatically assume that everyone is simultaneously dating 5 other people. And I assume that they assume that I am doing the exact same thing.

And maybe one day I’ll grow a pair and be able to have The Talk like an actual adult. If the occasion does ever arise.

But until then, I’m just going to make the rest of these Dinner is Served! meal cards.

#34 I made for Todd (Leah had already moved to Ohio at this point. SAD FACE), and a lovely couple I met through the Ohioans, Justin and Bukola.

I was excited because there was a Jell-O mold involved. I used a beet salad recipe from The Joys of Jello (1961). Basic ingredients (because I am too lazy to go take a picture of the actual recipe): lemon Jell-O, grated onion, chopped celery, canned beets (diced), and the beet juice.

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Are any of you surprised in the slightest that I kinda dug the beet salad? I thought it was pretty good.

Anyway, this here is the finished dinner:

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Check out those weird pieces of watermelon peel on the chicken platter

My fruit cups are ultra-classy because they are canned fruit cocktail in little disposable punch glasses.

Todd made a great green salad in lieu of the Green Lima Beans in Butter-Onion Sauce. We weren’t going to make another Lima bean dish. Especially after the debacle that was the Lima Bean and Cucumber Salad from dinner #84 Grilled Hamburgers.  That was disgusting. I don’t know if Leah has ever forgiven me for that.

Anyway, with the exception of the watermelon peel, which I found completely unappetizing, this was an win in my book. The chicken was great. And I have used the basic herb/oil mix on chicken and broiled it multiple times since I made #34. Chicken is cheap and I always have oil, dried herbs, and lemon on hand. I am a fan.

I would like to thank DiS! for introducing me to broiler cooking. I think that before this dinner the only thing I had ever put in the broiler were lamb chops.

Speaking of lamb chops, I did make them again recently with the previously mentioned Spinach Delicious. Very soon I will give you the recipe to this oft-requested vegetable dish.

Well, requested by Todd, at least.

This entry was posted in 1970s, Chicken, dating, Etc., Food, Fruit, Poultry, Recipes, Retro Food, Retro Recipes, Salad and tagged , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

16 Responses to 34. Herb Broiled Chicken

  1. angryquilter says:

    i think people that simultaneously DATE multiple are cowards (i’d say that after date 3(ish) I think you should be exclusive, the first couple I guess are fair game). I also don’t see how you can give someone a fair chance if while you’re with them your thinking about the other people you’re dating. Sorry to hear about the douchebaggery Yinz:(

  2. Lawson says:

    I agree. HE’s the coward. If he really cared about the waitress and was looking for friendship from you, he’d have told you about her and asked opinions and stuff. (SHE”d probably be just as surprised to see a text about you!) Since he didn’t even bring her up, I’d say he was hiding her, and then acted like you were the stupid one when HE was the one who got busted and took the defensive road. I think he’s a total jerk and I’m sorry he hurt you and hope he won’t poison your brain for when a real man comes along. A Real Man and an Adult Male are not the same. You are charming and funny and lively and fun – which without having met you, I can tell from your blogs. A Real Man will be truthful and careful of you, and not be deceptive about hiding girlfriends! He was awful, you were trusting and hopeful, and that doesn’t make you an idiot. Don’t lose that part of you, just learn a little more about what you really want and deserve. I want you to value yourself more than he did! He’s a creep.

  3. S. S. says:

    Glad I’m not the only one. I caught my ex cheating and got “I thought this was an open relationship!”

  4. hemcfeely says:

    You’re right and he’s the jackass. I think it’s totally normal to assume that you would be exclusive after 3-4 dates (and especially a parent introduction!) If you’re in to some alternative lifestyle (polygamy, polyamory, slutty, etc.) that needs to be brought up really early in a relationship.

    Also, I’m totally digging that beet mold.

  5. Kari says:

    Wow. I think you might be too kind in continuing to call him Mr. Buckeye. I would have moved on to something more colorful by now.

    On a more positive note, that chicken looks delicious! I don’t think I’ve ever broiled anything more adventurous than a steak. I may have to try this.

  6. Marty says:

    I can think of a name that RHYMES with buckeye…

    Yinz, I can’t believe you never broiled chicken before. Chicken broiled in a multitude of “disguises” flew onto the dinner table at least 3-4 times per week when I was a kid. After being sick of it for years, I’m back to broiling as my main way to make chicken. Mom was right after all…dammit.

  7. I had high hopes of old Buckeye but I am heartily pissed off with him now. I think the BUT in his text says it all. What a SNOB. You are wayyyyyy too good for a shithead like that. Lawson is so right, trusting and hopeful doesn’t make you an idiot.

    You will be pleased to hear that my new mobile phone provider has decided to try and block my access to your site because of its content unsuitable for under 18s. All your appalling swearing I am guessing!

    Onwards and upwards my lovely. Find a man worthy of your broiled chicken!

  8. Rusty Cunningham says:

    Heh,heh…Scotch. Nothing ever ends good when drinking Scotch. I wonder what his momma thought of you?

    Hah! We always had Watermellon Rind & Pickled Beets in our fridge.

  9. Eat The Blog says:

    No, there’s no excuse for that sort of behavior. I can’t even come up with something appropriately trite to say because I am so pissed off. I swear to god, I just do not understand people. I really don’t.
    I DO understand broiled chicken though. My mother broiled everything (hamburgers, steaks, chicken, fish) because she thought it was healthier (which if I’d had a whopping 7 heart attacks by the time I was 40, I might have broiled everything too). It was my job to do the dishes because my sister didn’t possess the same obsessive qualities that ensure all the crud will be gone from the corners of the broiling pan. I became a vegetarian around 1982. They still made me scour the broiling pan. I see you used foil. See? You’re smart. You’ll find someone that will appreciate the hell out of you, unlike the ______________just insert an insult( I don’t want to get you blocked from anyone else’s provider).

    • Yinzerella says:

      Even with the foil, it seems that the boiling pan still becomes a giant mess. Oh well. I am definitely adding this cooking method to the rotation.

      At least with this guy, there was an actual incident that ended it all. The Fade Away is infinitely more annoying. And just outright rude!

  10. Jill says:

    I despise every single guy you date.
    I love every single meal you make.
    I enjoy every single post you write be they about douchebags or Jell-O.

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