Yep, 2013–because this is all stuff from earlier this year that I never published. Oh, go read it. It’ll make sense.
January 12, 2013
On cable I just watched “Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind”–a film I only ever saw once, in the theater. It’s such a well-written, beautifully realized, and wonderfully acted film (really, was only Winslet nominated and not Jim Carrey? Shit, you know, if he had been nominated for “The Truman Show” and “Man on the Moon” I think we’d have another Tom Hanks on our hands–dude was fucking awesome and I don’t know where the hell he went!).
But I digress, it had been a long time since I saw the movie. A loooooong time. So I forgot how good it was until I saw a part of it again.
And because I just saw it, my New Year’s resolution, in addition to doing what I can to look better naked (first-world problems), is that this year I want to fall in love.
Like, fall really in love.
Fall so much in love that it’s absolute elation. And that if (OK, when) it ends, there’s not just inconveniences and hurt feelings in its wake, but devastation. The kind of love that changes you so much that there is enough reason to want to erase someone from your life because the loss of the feelings are just too much to bear.
It has been many years since that happened and I believe that I am where I want that to happen again. I got the rest of my shit together so I want to be ass over heels, irrationally, in love again. Do you hear me, Universe?
Or, I’ve just had too much Pinot Grigio. If that’s the case–Universe–rain check?
June 24, 2013
Fact: I totally had too much Pinot Grigio. This is my 6-month update…
I got this in a fortune cookie:
So, it’s good that this was my Chinese language lesson on the flip side:
Because after that shitty fortune, I needed a stiff drink. Thanks a lot, Chinese fortune cookie people!
I’m doing pretty good with my 2013 goals. I am totally trying to do stuff to make myself look better naked–I am going to the gym and I am trying to be more conscious about what I’m eating. And I am making an effort to drink less. I also had a weird body acceptance epiphany thing happen. Yeah, there are a lot of things about me that could be a lot better. But it also could be a hell of a lot worse. All things considered, I think I look pretty decent for someone who will be soon exiting the all-important 18-34 demographic.
As for the love thing? I’m working on it. Obviously. You’ve read my dating posts. I’m not at all successful, but I’m working on it. Somehow I still believe there’s a chance that there is someone out there for me.
In the immortal words of RuPaul:
Can I get an Amen up in here?
October 10, 2013
I’m still going to the gym. Which is a miracle. I went on vacation in September and used the hotel gym THREE TIMES. I know. WTF? Who am I? But the gym makes me feel better, so I keep going. I am not sure if I look any better naked, but now there are real muscles under all of my little pillows of fat. I am not chubby–just fluffy. And my arms look pretty boss.
I’m probably not drinking any less, but I have made improvements on the whole not smoking thing thanks to an electronic cigarette. And I know, I know, I know, I made a big deal about Zeke and the e-cigarette. But his totally looked like a Bic pen. Mine is all weird and big and green and looks like it should be attached to a hooka. I think it makes me look eccentric (OK, I don’t have money, so it really makes me look crazy, not eccentric. But whatever).
And finally, that whole love thing. Well, I have been dating the same guy for a few months and he meets my extremely low standards:
- Born before Bush Sr. was in office
- No roommates
- No children
- Has lived places other than Baltimore
- Tolerates cats
- Eats meat (remember, we had to add that after the vegetarian incident )
Those are reasonable requirements, right?
One recent evening I was at Club Charles with my friends Iris and Erin and the topic of said gentleman came up. I gushed a bit.
OK, that’s a lie. I gushed a lot. This shocked Erin–so uncharacteristic for me! And this dude not only met my standards, he exceeded them. I mean, the man knows how to use an apostrophe!
Iris threw this out there:
“Yes, the bar was set pretty low, but think of the Coney Island Hot Dog Contest. For years and years, guys were winning with 24–25 hot dogs. So that’s what was expected. And then Kobayashi comes in and takes down 50 hot dogs and totally changes the game. This guy is the Kobayashi of boyfriends.”
NOT my boyfriend. But I had to share that because it may be the BEST. METAPHOR. EVER. And extremely fitting for a gal who made hot dogs every week for an entire year.
Besides, I don’t need a boyfriend.
December 12, 2013
Ah, did I fall in love? Can I say that my 2013 resolution was accomplished?
Nah. I just slipped…
…but I caught myself.
For those of you who were really looking forward to the fourth installment of the meatball 4-way, I am sorry to say that I don’t think it’s gonna happen; Mr. Buckeye was camping over the Thanksgiving holiday and was, quite unfortunately, attacked by a rabid wolverine.
Dude’s in pretty bad shape. But not to worry–the dog is fine.
OK, so maybe I didn’t accomplish my 2013 goal, but the winners here are you, my friends! I am still on the OKCupid circuit, so I will have lots more depressingly hilarious tales of dates-gone-wrong to share. And I know that you kittens love it when I have horrible dates.
In completely unrelated (yet related) information, last week I was cleaning out one of my drawers and I found some ephemera from when I was with Dearly Departed Cleve. As I was about to put it all in the recycling bin, I pulled out a piece of notebook paper which was, in honor of my 31st birthday, the top 31 reasons that he loved me.
Some of them were just ridiculous. But most of them were really touching. And it made me feel good to know that four years ago someone loved me enough to write down the reasons why. If it happened once, it could happen again, right?
I threw the rest of the stuff away. But that I kept.
So my 2014 resolutions?I got 2.
1. To finish the DiS! cards. There are only 20 left. TWENTY!
2. To stay positive. Which, if you know me, you know that’s pretty damn hard.
I hate these lyric video things, but I am feeling this song right now (I’m trying to be happy and shiny, damnit!). I actually love this entire album–I never imagined that one of my favorite albums of the year would be by a country artist. Weird. Utterly weird.
But anyhoo—I hope you all had a great 2013 and will have an even more kickass 2014.
What are your resolutions this year? Anything good?