Cherry Chocolate Pie

I haven’t posted about a dessert in a long time–so who is ready for something sweet?

I made this dish to cap off the dinner that I will present in the upcoming Vincent Price Halloween Cookalong.

VPH Cookalong

I will cut a bitch

You’re excited, right?

Pies and Cakes

copyright 1966

Chocolate cherry! Hey, anyone ever see that shitty sci-fi movie Cherry 2000 starring Melanie Griffith?Did you know that it is her and Don Johnson’s daughter Dakota Johnson who will be starring in the 50 Shades of Gray movie? (actually, now she might not be playing Anastasia). But yeah, true story: she is the spawn of Working Girl and Miami Vice.

Is there a weird food scene in 50 Shades? There has to be a weird food scene, right? Like in 9 1/2 Weeks when Mickey Rourke (original face, still-hot Mickey Rourke) feeds Kim Basinger strawberries?

And jalepenos. And olives. And Jell-O. Because all single dudes conveniently have Jell-O on hand. And not just Jell-O cups. I’m talking, full on, fluted-mold Jell-O.

Actually, if you know a single guy who does always have Jell-O stocked, let me know. It might be true love.

No bake? Score!

Real talk: does anyone think that this scene is genuinely hot? Me, all I could think of is “who the fuck is going to clean this all up?” And at the end when he brings out the little honey bear? I had to cover my eyes. Sticky floors for months! If I were his maid, I’d quit.


I went with old-school Cook & Serve.
Because I care.


It looks a tiny bit pink from the cherry juice, right?

It’s like sex on the beach: in theory, it’s From Here to Eternity hot. In reality, I just imagine lots of sand in places that there shouldn’t be sand. And back to 9 1/2 Weeks—-you know that scene where they bone in the stairwell under the drainpipes? Holy fuck that would hurt. All that concrete and brick. Just scraping a knee or an elbow on asphalt is horrible. Now imagine road rash on basically every single part of your body. Sweet Christ on a cracker. And! Mickey Rourke ruined a perfectly good t-shirt by ripping it in half. Asshat.

I forget, wasn’t he a total dick in that movie? Hold on, was there even a plot in that movie?

Pre-made graham cracker crust.

But yeah, 50 Shades of Gray. What must Tippi Hedren think? You know who Tippi is, right? She was a Hitchcock blonde–Marnie. The Birds. Speaking of The Birds, that reminds me—for the Vincent Price Halloween Cookalong, it is recommended that I watch a Vincent Price movie. Anyone got a suggestion? Specifically one that I can watch instantly on Netflix or find on YouTube. Would MJ’s Thriller count?

Anyway, Tippi is Melanie Griffith’s mom, hence she is Dakota Johnson’s grandma. So, seriously, what do you think Tippi feels about all this? How much do they think they’ll get away with for this movie to get an R rating? I haven’t read the book–and no, not because I am against smut. I am totally pro-smut, but I heard that it was so horribly, horribly, written. I’m no great wordsmith, but I do like to think that if I were writing a book about dirty, kinky, S&M sexy-times, I would not have the female protagonist say “oh my” every time the male lead whips out his disco stick.

I also think could also come up with a lot more synonyms for a penis.

Because that is my new hobby since I retired Wiener Wednesdays.

I used extra-creamy Cool Whip.
Because I am a giver.

So how was the pie? Delectable. It totally tasted like a chocolate covered cherry.

chocolate cherry pie

And I totally didn’t eat the leftovers straight from the aluminum pan while watching a Golden Girls marathon.

I just had a thought–how in the hell wasn’t there whipped cream in the 9 1/2 Weeks food montage?

What, too cliched?

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0 Responses to Cherry Chocolate Pie

  1. Cat M. says:

    I’d reccomend any of the Dr. Phibes movies for Vincent Price. They sometimes show up on ThisTV (45.2 if you have a converter box and live in Baltimore) around Halloween. I belive there is a dinner scene in “The Return of Dr. Phibes” where the doctor cooks up some surprises for an enemy.

  2. Angie says:

    The wax museum, not the un-watchable Paris Hilton remake, it is one of the few where he is actually scary. Vincent Price really didn’t do to many scary movies but just got know for them. I don’t know where you can get a copy of the movie if netflix doesn’t have it, maybe try the library. I am just going to ignore all the 9 1/2 weeks stuff I thought it was one of the worst movies I’ve ever seen, very unforgettable. But man that pie makes me hot.

  3. veg-o-matic says:

    That looks delicious, and House on Haunted Hill.

  4. rusty cunningham says:

    “Barfly”! Favorite movie, next to “Leaving Las Vegas”! Probably one of your fave’s, as it has your floating cupcake-head as it’s star! Sorry, at this time of nite I only have a very short attention span. Lalalalala…good-nite

  5. Conor Bofin says:

    Sorry to disagree with everybody else here. There can be only one VP movie to watch if you have any interest in cookery. It has to be Theatre of Blood. I don’t think I am giving too much away when I reveal that VP dispatches all the other over-actors in different ways associated with Shakespear plays. There is an amazing all star cast and I encourage anybody interested in food to pay particular attention to the performance by and death of Robert Morley in this must watch movie. Brilliant and appropriate.

    I think Leslie Nielsen has the 9.5 weeks thing pretty well covered in the various Frank Drebbin movies.

    You know what I think of the pie.


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