Wiener Wednesday: Best Hamdogs

I am officially nominating myself for the Jerry Seinfeld Awards in Dating Excellence,  (Man-hands Category).

Why? Let me explain.

I was introduced to a friend of a friend who met all of my (seemingly low, but surprisingly difficult) standards:

  • Born before Bush Sr. was in office
  • Employed
  • No roommates
  • No children
  • Has lived places other than Baltimore
  • Likes cats

We went out a few times and he was nice and funny and I did genuinely enjoy his company. 

But there was one issue–he rolls like Morrissey* and thinks that meat is murder.


Moz, I swear, I won’t eat the kitten.

Yes, my friends, I deserve a Jerry Seinfeld Award in Dating Excellence,  (Man-hands Category) because I decided to stop seeing a perfectly fine dude because he is a vegetarian. 

Now hold on! Before you judge me too terribly, think about what I do as my hobby (and, let’s face it, my second job): I cook. A lot. Shit, I dedicate every Wednesday to wieners–as in tubes made out of meat–whether it be beef, pork, or turkey, snouts and lips and beaks and innards. I am a die-hard, give-me-the-nitrates-and-nitrates-offal meat-eater. 

I totally respect the decision to not eat red meat. Or poultry. It’s commendable.

But I love meat! And even if I ever did give up meat, I’d still want fish. And crustaceans. Shit, clams and oysters don’t even have eyes!

But, looking back on it, I guess the biggest issue was that he didn’t know what The Prime Rib is. And that is the happiest place on Earth! Plus, we could never go there. What the hell would he eat–a salad and a baked potato? As if!

I think this situation is exactly like someone who makes a dating decision based on religious grounds: whether it’s raising the kids Jewish or having an issue with someone who doesn’t believe in evolution. Except that at my church I worship at the altar of Oscar Meyer, Colonel Sanders and Mayor McCheese.

So, yeah. Deal breaker.

It seems fitting for this week’s Wiener Wednesday to make a treat that is a meat-stuffed hot dog wrapped in bacon.

That’s 3 types of meat in a bun!

From the 1967 edition of Better Homes & Gardens Barbecue Book, Best Hamdogs!

Best Hamdog recipe




So, after some time in the oven (I don’t know how long) and after numerous brushes with Hunt’s Original Barbecue Sauce, the end result was this:


Patriotic for Memorial Day. With crab chips!

Now, I cannot tell you whether or not this was the best of hamdogs, since I never had one before, but I can tell you that it was better than I thought it would be.

ham dog centerhamdog with sauce

The Hamdog was a very distant cousin of the McRib–mostly because I used the same Hunt’s barbecue sauce that I used for my homemade McRibs–but also because it had the pickle relish and the onion. That’s a little McRibby!

Do I plan on making this again? No. But I am thankful that it didn’t make me want to Marty McFly back to 1967 to murder the ladies of the Better Homes & Gardens test kitchen.

I doubt that I’ll be posting anything else as we go into the Memorial Day weekend, so I will just wish you all a fabulous holiday. I hope that you eat a lot, drink a lot, and have a good time with your friends and family. And for fuck’s sake–remember to wear sunscreen!

*also, this is totally a coincidence, but today, May 22, is Morrissey’s birthday. Happy birthday, you charming man!
This entry was posted in Food, Recipes, Retro Food, Retro Recipes and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

0 Responses to Wiener Wednesday: Best Hamdogs

  1. Lawson says:

    I second the nomination! This was a delightful and thought-provoking post. Possibly Best Hamdog recipes don’t typically get called thought-provoking, but it is what it is. Must have the meat and the seafood. It would be awful not to share that with someone, so you need to add that to your list. Who would have guessed that, though?!

  2. The Mouse says:

    I second that nomination. Too funny. Choose between man or meat. I think you chose wisely. 🙂

  3. Jill says:

    1. I miss your posts about your dating (mis)adventures.
    2. Will/Did you tell him that his vegetarianism was the deal-breaker?

  4. Kelly Groseclose says:

    Dear God.. did he stuff your carefully prepared mutton into his coat pockets?? 😉

  5. Jenny says:

    I once went on a date with a guy who said he could never kiss a woman who wasn’t a vegetarian. I stifled a guffaw and bid him adieu. You made the correct choice between man and meat. There is a carnivore out there somewhere with your name on him.

  6. Don’t be too quick to discount the ones with a little baggage – I downloaded Mr Asparagus Pea off the Internet. Isn’t ‘born before Bush Sr – no baggage’ code for ‘spent the last 20 yrs in jail’?

  7. dillon says:

    A) if he ate some “meat”, even if that was just fish, that would be okay. But that sounds like a problem. He can’t go to Korean BBQ, you are better off alone.
    B) You realize that a dude born the week Bushie Sr was born would only be 24. I can’t decide if that would be naughty or terrible.
    C) Shit… Now I want Korean BBQ

    • Yinzerella says:

      A. Fish would have been completely acceptable.
      B. 24 is as low as I’ll go. And remember, that’s how old Mr. Hause is 🙂
      C. Let’s talk about you coming down for a visit this summer!

  8. I’m veg but married to a meatatarian. And I appreciate Weiner Wednesdays even though if I were to recreate one, it would have to be veggie weiner Wed… I have seen enough Seinfeld to know I can’t change your mind about the manhands though! There’s a carnivore out there waiting for you. I know it!

  9. tarynnicole says:

    Maybe you could start lurking around hot dog eating competitions…. Mr Right could be waiting for you! Plus, what better place to find a willing taste tester for countless weiner Wednesdays! xx

  10. veg-o-matic says:

    Wow. A weiner filled with ham and wrapped in bacon. My brain can hardly process that.

    Oh, and Emily, meat IS murder. Delicious, delicious murder.

  11. My dad has been making this for years. Since i can remember, and im 30.
    I actually, just made a batch this weekend with my gramma. amaing you put this page together!!

  12. Pingback: Oh Hell NOKCupid | Dinner is Served 1972

  13. Pingback: Yinzerella’s 2016 Guide to Dating | Dinner is Served 1972

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *