69. Hawaiian Spareribs

Neil O'Donnell Sad Face

I was inspired to go Hawaiian this week because the annual NFL Pro Bowl took place on January 29th and was, as always, held in the Aloha State. The Pro Bowl used to take place after the Super Bowl but they’ve since moved it to the week before in an attempt to make the game somewhat relevant. And that’s all well and good but I’m kinda pissed that they put a week between Championship Sunday and Super Bowl Sunday because the Super Bowl used to fall on my birthday every once in a while and that was a lot of fun. Except for in 1996 when the Steelers lost to the Cowboys in Super Bowl XXX.

Happy Birthday, Emily! Neil O’Donnell is gonna throw a couple of interceptions in your honor! And the half time show is Diana Ross! Mazel!

Oh well. Let’s get to the ribs.

I bought a little under 2 lbs of what was labeled as “Pork Loin Back Ribs BB.” So they weren’t exactly spareribs? I dunno. The BB might mean “baby back.” I really don’t know. I need a tutorial on cuts of meat.

But I digress. Since I used only 2 pounds of pork whatever ribs, I cut all of the ingredients for this recipe in half and followed #69’s directions (well, almost. But that comes later). I coated, I browned, I roasted, flipped, and basted.

When they came out of the oven I sliced them, and put them back in the roasting pan in the oven to keep warm. Then I attended to the fried rice. And instead of using a frozen fried rice I made my own version. Because I’m fancy like that.

Quick & Light Veggie Fried Rice

  • 1 cup brown rice (cooked a few hours beforehand or overnight and refrigerated)
  • 1 cup frozen peas and carrots (thawed)
  • 2 chopped scallions (white and green parts separated)
  • 1 egg (beaten with a drop of oil and a pinch of salt & pepper)
  • 1 tsp canola or vegetable oil
  • 1 tbsp soy sauce

Heat a wok over high heat. Add the oil. Add the white parts of the scallions and stir a few times. Pour in the beaten egg in and let it set slightly. Add the rice and vegetables and toss for a few minutes until all is heated through. Season with the soy sauce. Mix. If you want to try to get some crispy edges let the rice sit still for a bit (also, you could add more oil). Add the green scallions. Toss. Makes about 2 1-cup servings.

So at this point my fried rice was done. Looked awesome. My ribs were in the oven, sliced, and keeping warm. So I started plating. And then I thought what’s wrong here? Why does this not look right? Um, because I forgot the goddamned canned pineapple!

So in a hurry, while swearing profusely, and scolding myself for such a misstep, I cut up the pineapple rings into chunks, tossed them into the roasting pan with the ribs, mixed it up a bit, and then put it back in the oven again.

You can see all the uncooked pineapple chunks in there. FAIL.

Whatever. Once it cooked for just a little bit longer #69 ended up OK in the end.

 These were good. They must’ve been. Cleve ate them all.

I admit that it’s hard to make these not good–it’s pork ribs. I think that I’ve made it clear on this here blog that we at Dinner is Served! like a good rib. And I like a baked rib–they totally fall right off of the bone. And although the sugars in the marinade really browned (ok, blackened) nothing was actually charred. Which was excellent because I do not like the taste of burning.

Nothing will ever replicate the deliciousness that is Chinese take-out fried rice (especially when one is trying to watch one’s fat and caloric intake), but this was solid. I would definitely make it again and throw in other vegetables like bean sprouts and napa cabbage to make this more of a meal. Hell, I have the easy-cook brown rice. Might as well use it.

For the salad I used a bag of American mix salad, little yellow cherry tomatoes called Sunburst! and some Asian-ginger salad spritz. Nothing fancy but it got the job done.

You may have noticed in my photo that I did leave out 2 of the menu items from #69. The vegetables and the rolls. Here was my thinking: since I put vegetables in the fried rice the mixed vegetables were superfluous and assorted rolls in addition to the rice was carb overkill so I nixed them both. However, in hindsight, this would have been an excellent time to bust out some Kings Hawaiian, which are little fluffy nuggets of heaven.

Now to dessert.

For the baked bananas I sliced 2 bananas, and topped them with 1 tbsp of margarine (total) 1 tsp of sugar, and 1 tsp of Applejack (since I had it in the cupboard and all). After they baked in the oven for a while (20 min) I sprinkled each banana with 1 tbsp of sweetened shredded coconut and then put it back in the oven to bake for about 5 minutes more.

It didn’t photograph terribly well (but how cute is my baking dish?), however I fell in love with this dessert. I even put 2 tbsp of fat free Cool Whip on top–all told the dessert was a whopping 3 WW points (you know, if you’re into that kind of thing). It was delicious–add a little pineapple and it would taste just like the Hawaiian Blizzards that I would have all the time when I worked at the DQ. This would be really good with a small scoop of ice cream or frozen yogurt.

All things considered, I consider #69 as a Dinner is Served! WIN.

At the end of the day I couldn’t tell you who won the Pro Bowl. I quickly lost interest. I had some kitchen cleaning to attend to and, well, there are Lifetime movies to be watched! Speaking of Lifetime, I would like to take this moment to honor a man who I refer to as Mr. Lifetime. Yes, the one and only William R. Moses. You may not know his name, but you know his face–crap, he’s in so many Lifetime movies that Cleve even recognizes him.

You know. This guy.

If you’re watching Lifetime Movie Network, there’s a 1 in 3 chance he’s in that movie.  His resume includes classics like The Perfect Marriage, The Perfect Roommate, The Perfect Wife–is there a theme here?–While the Children Sleep, Wicked, Like Mother Like Daughter, Her Best Friend’s Husband, and She Woke Up Pregnant. Don’t you just love the titles of Lifetime movies? I’ve seen all of these–but that’s just a small sampling of his body of work. Dude was on Falcon Crest and Melrose Place.

I am apparently not the only one who wants to give Mr. Lifetime a shout-out. This is a highlight reel which is described as: A tribute to such a wonderful actor. His talent shines like an Eternal Flame.

And speaking of Lifetime–did anyone else watch Rob Lowe as Drew Peterson in Drew Peterson: Untouchable? I really should have made a dinner in honor of that movie because it was so Lifetimetastic. SERIOUSLY. Cleve’s been quoting the damn thing incessantly. And with good reason. It is insanely quotable.

Don’t believe me?

I present you with a few excerpts from 19 Highlights (and Lowlights) from Lifetime’s Drew Peterson: Untouchable…with .GIFs!  by Price Peterson to prove my point.

And with that I bid you all adieu.

4. Good parenting

This happened within the first five minutes:

Actual quote.

8. The hot dog situation

This is what’s known as a GOOD SAVE.

15. The garage incident

Here’s the scene that’ll haunt our daydreams for some time. It involves a stolen garage opener and one soon-to-be immortal catchphrase.

18. One sexy strip search

There’s really no way to describe Drew Peterson’s arrest scene, but this about sums it up:

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12 Responses to 69. Hawaiian Spareribs

  1. After those video clips, I totally have no idea what comment I was going to leave. I am now quite traumatized by one skeevy looking Mr. Rob Lowe.

  2. I was enjoying your post full of it’s usual humour and sarcastic wit….
    Then when I got down to your reference to Lifetime…and your Rob Lowe as Drew Peterson images, I snorted coffee out of my nose. I only got to watch about half of it…now I MUST watch it all because I totally missed the hip shaking “you just wanna have a look at my package” part. And lastly, I love Rob Lowe…from his 80’s movies to his more recent sitcom appearances. But I am much disturbed by him as Drew Peterson. I may never be able to get the package wagging in his kids face out of my mind. Oh who am I kidding…I’ll still love Rob.

    • Yinzerella says:

      I love Rob Lowe, too.

      I am sorry if the coffee through the nose injured you in any way. You need to watch the whole movie. “I’m untouchable, bitch,” is the most memorable line but the one that my bf keeps saying again and again is “I think I just found…wife number FIVE.” I couldn’t find a clip of that anywhere so you have to see that.

      Sadly I can’t take credit for the Rob Lowe screen captions–but I can take credit for finding them.

      Here is Rob talking about how he didn’t want the makeup to be distracting and how much he studied for this role. It just makes the whole thing even funnier. I hope he gets nominated for a Golden Globe.

  3. Lauren says:

    Like Wendi, I’m at a loss due to severe trauma. After the murders of Lacey Peterson and Stacy Peterson, my mom told me (in all seriousness), “Never marry a man with the last name Peterson. It’s for your own good.” Thank goodness I married a Collado.

    The spareribs do sound delicious and I’m going to attempt to focus on those instead of Rob Lowe.

  4. mum says:

    classic lifetime no doubt. there is, apparently, a new lifetime movie airing this weekend with the ever-fabulous john stamos….he plays a minister who fools around…my dvr is set.

  5. iamsurly says:

    I have a very similar recipe card in one of my sets. Only I truly believe yours may be more offensive than mine. I bow down to you.

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